Inquisitive Muslimah

A whinny mom?

2011-01-26T16:22:00.004-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I feel like whining a bit...am I allowed? Well, yeah, this is my blog so yeah I am going to HAHA!

Just lately I've been feeling overwhelmed with taking care of my one year old and kind of feel like nobody ever says what its going to be like. Mostly I'm struggling with the fact that he is not sleeping through the night and on top of that he only falls asleep in my arms (yeah I know that is my fault and I am not blaming anyone except myself for that). I probably shouldn't really be worrying so much and stressing about it....thank God my child is healthy and safe ...so why am I stressing? I try to think of this all when he is screaming in my face!

I don't know it's just lately I am feeling like a bad mom. Of all the forums, boards, or any other social site, I never hear the 'real' story of how mom's act when their children scream in their face, or won't sleep for hours, etc. I mean I get so frustrated and just want it to stop. I do scream across the room at my son (see bad mom!) to be quiet....although I realize he is too young to know why I am screaming and also I see how ridiculous it is to be saying to him in a screaming tone, "stop screaming". I don't know why women don't really reveal their true feelings about things...or are they and am I really the only one to be feeling like this?

I read about women who have two, three, or more children and think..."why can't I just handle one, why am I getting so frustrated, so easily?" I don't know maybe I'm just too whinny...I have been accused of that before!

The lack of sleep, the lack of a 'life' outside of my child, no babysitters so that hubby and I can have a few moments to ourselves. I feel like I am a bit getting lost in all of this. I really don't think I'm officially depressed...I've looked it up online and I don't cry and feel bad all day. Just sometimes feel I can't go on...but then my son looks at me and smiles and I instantly melt and know why I'm doing all this!

So, anyway this is just a rant a bit and a venting session. I am asking if there are any mom's out there to share their stories of frustrations. If you don't want to reveal them in public just post that in the message and I won't publish it just read it. I think I need to know that I am not losing my mind and that this is all a normal way of feeing?

Thanks for reading!

What about mom crying-it-out?

2011-01-20T11:45:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Nobody really tells you what it is like to have a child and raise them...I think it's because people think that you will get scared and not even attempt to have a child! Well, I'm not like that...I kind of like to know what I'm getting into...good and bad! I actually get a sense of relief and satisfaction when mom's tell me that it is not easy, that it is a trial and they are sometimes frustrated - makes me feel like I'm not a total failure as a mom! Anyway my long rant here is actually going to be about some advice ....my needing advice!

Somehow I got my son used to sleeping in my arms, even for naps. I truly don't know how it happened? I admit that in the beginning it was nice to hold him and watch him sleep...so adorable. Ok, now that he is one years old...its getting a bit tough. He will not sleep in his crib until he falls asleep in my arms, even for his two naps. I've tried the cry-it-out method...well a bit...I've never been able to completely have him cry for like an hour! I actually asked the doctor yesterday at his 1 yr appointment, about the sleeping issues...she said that I should just let him cry and he will eventually get sleepy and sleep. Well, yes but how do you do that? I mean hearing your child crying is heartbreaking (but so is holding him in my arms for over half an hour to get him to sleep) and then he just looks at me like: "don't you like me anymore?" Aggg!
So, I'm kind of asking for some help from some mom's out there...what's the best way to get him to sleep
on his own? Oh and he wakes up at least two times a night crying and usually ends up in my arms and bed. Yeah I know...not good! So HELP !!

I'm learning how to swim...first embarrassing moment...more to come I'm sure!!

2011-01-16T23:14:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum &Peace to all

Ok so I've finally decided to learn how to swim...I found a course online that was teaching adults how to
swim and bonus its an all women class!! Woo hoo! Perfect! So today was the first day and I was a bit nervous about how its going to go...and embarrassed about what to wear...but since it was all women I didn't really have
too much reservations about wearing a normal bathing suit. Well...I got to the pool and was the first one there...so I waited until one or two other women showed up, I then went into the change room. I was already wearing my bathing suit underneath my clothing, so was waiting a bit to change. Well, the other woman was wearing a t-shirt and spandex type of pants...I sat there wondering when are they going to change? As I waited another two women came by...wearing same kind of thing...I was slowly getting the picture and getting a sinking feeling. Before going to the pool it is mandatory to shower up...so I saw these women who were all 'dressed' up showering with the t-shirt and pants ....ahhh totally sinking moment and I wanted to go and hide!! I looked at one of the women and said..."oh I didn't realize you can wear that, some pools don't let you wear such things' She looked at me and just said, "no, you can wear things like this, we are all women here" Exactly I thought...because we are women it doesn't really matter (well ok, I know there are rules with women too...but you know its just different than with men!) I then said: " oh I thought you have to wear a traditional bathing suit" She then says: "well you wear what you are comfortable in" I said uncomfortably, "I would rather wear a t-shirt" She just looked at me indifferently. Ok, I totally wanted to go home and get a full t-shirt and pants...oh my how was I supposed to march in there in my bathing suit...that compared to what the other women were wearing might as well have been a bikini!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Well, no choice I had to start the course...so I marched in there with my towel on...looked hopeless, and I felt hopeless! Of course eventually I had to take my towel off...oh wonderful! The 45 minute course went by fairly quickly...it consisted of me floating on my back, on my front...blowing bubbles and kicking my way around the pool. All in my wonderful swim suit...I felt like a whale! Somehow went back to the change room and showered off...really quickly...all the while all I hear in the background is "Assalam alaium, wa alaikum assalam" OH PERFECT! I've wanted to meet some Muslim women from this area...well I did now...and I'm sure they think I'm just some fluzy...should I tell them "Oh I'm Muslim too...salam!!" AHHHHHHH
Maybe they won't remember me next week?? Let's hope!!?? Oh what to do...I feel left out again, probably shouldn't but hey that's me. If all of you can stop laughing for a moment and comment on what I should do...I would appreciate it LOL!

You raised kids...I would expect more help?

2010-12-29T21:52:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

This is somewhat of a rant and question all in one. When I was pregnant I was expecting a lot of advice and help from my Mother. I imagined that she would tell me all about the late night feedings and how you would have to be awake every hour and that most likely you will be a zombie the next day. I imagined she would tell me about how and what to feed, tell me that breastfeeding is a wonderful choice and praise me for trying to do it (she was not able to do it). I imagined all these things and more...but what did I get...nothing really. All I ever heard from her was that parenting was hard but worth it in the end. Ok, well yeah we all know that...I wasn't looking for a fortune cookie message...I was looking for advice and help. One moment I will never forget and it hurt deeply. I was struggling with breastfeeding and little one was crying and fussing, my mother was there and she was watching what I was doing, and she says: "stop torturing him and give him a bottle" OMG...I was so hurt...I just looked at her and said : "I'm not torturing, I'm trying to feed" I mean really...how could she say that? Anyway, basically I was looking for some motherly advice but it never came, only "fortune-cookie" sayings. Sigh...anyway I'm mostly over it now (mostly, not quite). So jump forward to today...present time. Little one is a bit sick or teething, don't really know yet if its a cold or just teething. He is a bit feverish, and is sneezing a bit more, and just doesn't look happy. I know, I know it sounds like a cold, but two months ago he was the same and out popped two teeth, so I realized it was that. Right now he is working on all four of his upper teeth, so I'm assuming its from that, anyway this time its Mother -In -Law who is questioning things. She says: "how did he get a fever, why is this happening? SERIOUSLY?? I felt like saying to her "you raised two kids, you know they get fevers, and go through teething." Why are these mothers not helping? Instead they are questioning and acting as if they don't know what babies and kids go through?? Maybe I'm expecting too much? I'm not sure what I would do if there was no internet, I would surely be stuck on what to do and what to expect. If I'm allowed to be a grandmother one day (Inshallah) I swear that son or daughter or son-in-law/daughter-in-law will get an ear full of me giving examples and advice and all...well, if only they want it...I also know when to SHUT UP! LOL!!

"haha...I thought I saw you wearing a scarf...hahaha"

2010-12-23T21:45:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So yesterday I met up with a friend for lunch and some shopping. Went to a busy mall (well, they are all busy now with the holidays coming up) and she was looking for me and couldn't easily find me (I was in H&M -blush) when we finally met up, she says: "Oh I saw a woman who looked just like you in a headscarf...I mean really it looked like you and I thought 'no, she didn't, did she'?"

Well, that's just so funny because I was thinking before meeting her, what would she say if I showed up in a scarf! LOL Was it a sign to wear the scarf....well, I know its not...but it was a funny scene.
This is the same friend who was like "you're Muslim...I didn't realize that!" this was after I had told her that I was. Anyway...later on in the conversation she says: "So did you put your christmas tree up yet" Then two seconds later "oh yeah you're Muslim...so what did you do for Eid?" Yeah well then it came, "We didn't do anything..." sigh... Came home that night and told hubby that ok for next year we're totally doing SOMETHING for Eid...inviting our non-muslim friends, etc! (we always get invited to x-mas parties, etc) so thats it decided...next year I'll inshallah have an answer to the question "what did you do for Eid?"

Anyways...thats how my yesterday was!

Dressing modestly and fashionably when you are...

2010-12-15T21:30:00.001-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ok, so lately I've been feeling all like I really need to dress more modestly (ok, I don't wear revealing things...just sometimes make bad choices ...lol) well, actually I want to be more fashionable! I have a little boy who Mashallah takes up most of my time but now that he is almost one years old....I'm finding a bit more time to dedicate to myself. So, because of that I want to seem more 'put-together' oh and I'm playing around with the idea of wearing a scarf (MAYBE ...IT'S A BIG STEP NOT SURE IF I CAN DO IT - ok so I need to work on my dedication to prayer, etc before I can even think of wearing it full time - and don't everyone jump on me about its fard...etc I KNOW ALL OF THAT - we all have our journeys...) Anywho! I browse the hijab style blogs and I am so fascinated by all the girls who are so lovely and put together...mashallah. I've always wanted to be fashionable and 'put-together' but I've never been able to really master it... so that is what Im trying to do now! So basically my question is...How do you dress modestly when you are AHHRRRRHMMM (cough cough) approaching mid-thirties, have a crawling baby and hubby to attend to? Here are some pics I've found of fashions I like...opinions please!

I just feel like so many of the fashions are too 'young' for me now...so I really need some great ideas!
Love the fashions of Hijab Revival

Im also not too much of a long skirt/dress person...depends on the skirt really...(wide hips!) For now I'm kind of in the jeans mode...lol comfy!

I'm going to post some of my 'ideas' for me...I'll do this after MIL leaves LOL

Ah its that time again...gingerbread, candy canes and ...

2010-12-10T11:41:00.001-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

After being a convert for five years you would really think that I would have gotten over the whole christmas idea? Well, in a way I have but in others I have not, especially since we have a baby now. I love seeing the lights on the houses, and how lovely they are all decorated, I love walking in the mall and seeing all the happy children taking photos with Santa and then I get a bit sad that my child will not be able to experience those things. This is one aspect of being a convert that really SUCKS! I told hubby dear that next year we will have to make Eid a very special time for our son, so that he will not be left out ( I think its for me too...I miss all those 'holiday' feelings) Hubby sees that I get slightly depressed at not getting to enjoy the holiday's, he even said 'why don't you take the child to get a picture with Santa' I was only half tempted. For him its really doesn't mean anything...religious or not...its just christmas and this is what they do here (as in decorations and things) he didn't grow up with it and he has none of the 'emotions' that I have linked to it. Family dinners, presents, everyone trying to be 'happy' and 'loving' to each other, those are the things I miss. So I think I'll try and combine these things...I can make a nice dinner any night, and make the special dishes that I had growing up (doesn't have to be on the 24th or 25th of December) I can give presents to my family just because I 'love' them and not because it is the 25th of December, and most of all I think I'll really try and make an effort to be more happy and loving! So what do you think .... is it a good plan??

Wow I've fallen off the face of the planet...at least the blogging planet

2010-12-02T11:43:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I can't believe that I've not been able to update this blog more often...I think Im probably writing this all for nothing as I've probably lost all of my readers... (crickets chirping). I just feel that I haven't really had
any good topics to discuss lately and talking about my daily life would be boring? Well, maybe I should just write what I want to?? It is my blog after all...so inshallah I will be writing more often about anything that pops into my little inquisitive head!

As for now...'little inquisitive son' is eek-ing and looking for my attention! Mashallah he is such a joy...but is a real handful now that he has started to crawl!! Mashallah time has gone by so fast...in a little over a month he will be a year old!!

ok, so for now ....I'll talk to you all later!

Deeper Than Any Translation: Reflecting on the Words of Allah in Tarawih | MuslimMatters.org

2010-09-10T16:22:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Deeper Than Any Translation: Reflecting on the Words of Allah in Tarawih | MuslimMatters.org

Ramadan day 15

2010-08-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Day 15 has come and gone... so that means that we are half way done with Ramadan already...I really cannot believe how time goes by so fast! After having a little break (you know) I am now ready to fast again tomorrow, inshallah I will be able to keep the fast. I have been learning a surah from Quran - Al-kafiroon mashallah I have just two more lines left to memorize! I have been very lax in learning new surah's (may Allah forgive me) but this year instead of reading the 30 Juz of Quran I have decided to try and memorize at least one surah. Every year it almost becomes a race to finish reading the 30 juz, I think that's just not right, I need to read it and have a good understanding of it...not just make sure to finish it within the 30 days. So, inshallah I will have memorized that surah and will be able to use it in my prayers.

How is everyone's Ramadan going so far?

Husbands...

2010-08-24T01:39:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Does anyone's hubby work from home? Well mine does and for the most part I am happy that he is at home to help out with our son ... sometimes he can watch him for a little bit so that I can do laundry, cook or some other thing that has to be done....but..... there is always a but! Him being at home also makes things harder, like the general housework that has to be done. Our home mashallah is not huge or small...just right...but it can be likened to a giant drum ...bang on something and it reverberates all through the house. For example dropping a plate or slamming a door makes such a big noise...can you imagine when I do the vaccuming or the dishes?? Ack! The days that he goes into the office I seem to get so much more accomplished. I probably should not complain...as mashallah he gets to spend time with his son...I know so many other fathers who don't get that chance...so we are lucky. What am I trying to say with this post? Well not much (as its 1:40am here - and I am not as coherent as I should be LOL) I guess its just a small vent!

Anyways...hope to post more about Ramadan and my updates regarding that...inshallah tomorrow!

Good night/morning all!!

Ramadan day 6

2010-08-16T23:06:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ramadan day 6 has come and gone...mashallah it really does get a bit easier...it is still a trial and an effort but alhamduillah I have been able get through these 6 days...inshallah I can continue for the rest.

I know that this month is about reflection, prayer and readings...I have been struggling a little bit with all that. I just have to set my priorities and hopefully I will be able to do more of these things.

The other thing I have always struggled with was what to cook. Well this year I am using Google calendar and documents. I make up menus (full meals) and put them into each day on the calendar, so that each day I know what I am going to make - without having to wonder and think all day. I use the document section to make up grocery lists and ideas. Mashallah this way I have been able to stay on top of things.

So here are my menu ideas that I did so far (I'm posting it so that maybe someone gets some
ideas of what to cook - Im not boasting

Tuesday Lentil Soup - Meat Loaf - M. Potatoes
Wednesday - Tomato Soup - Beef w/Mushrooms - pasta w/ yogurt
Thursday - Tomato Soup -Eggplant/G. Beef - rice/orzo-tomato salad
Friday - Leftovers (LOL)
Saturday - Yogurt Soup-Eggplant stew-rice/orzo - tomato salad
Sunday - Yogurt/chickpea Soup - Linguini w/beef tomato sauce
Monday - Leftovers
Tuesday - Potato Soup - “Fried Sesame Chicken” - Rice/Orzo -tomato salad (Inshallah)

Ramadan Day 1

2010-08-11T23:10:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Day 1 of Ramadan has come and gone, alhamduillah it wasn't too bad but very long. Woke up for suhur, finished it at 4:30 then did Fajr prayer then went to sleep and my adorable little one wakes up 7am so today I felt a little bit tired...and by the end of it I was dizzy and feeling very fuzzy.

Alhamduillah it was not too bad, inshallah I will keep it up.

I pray that everyone's fasts are accepted and we all receive blessings in this holy month.

British Retailer Sells 'Plus Size' Clothes to 3-Year-Olds - Children's Health - FOXNews.com

2010-07-29T18:49:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all
This is really quite disturbing!!

British Re tailer Sells 'Plus Size' Clothes to 3-Year-Olds - Children's Health - FOXNews.com

Islamic words; how and where to use them?

2010-07-28T17:56:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got to wondering about how I don't really know which 'words' to use in certain situations. For example most converts know the basics of Allahu Akbar, Inshallah, Alhamduillah, Subhanallah, etc. and when to say them. But there are sometimes I do not know what to say? Like for example when there is thunder and I get scared, what should I say? Or when you are thinking of something bad, like for example getting sick, or something like that -should I just say to myself "Inshallah that won't happen" or is there a small prayer or words to say?? Does anyone actually know what I am trying to say here?

Anyone help out a lost convert LOL ( you think I would know all this by now!)

What am I up to lately?

2010-07-27T21:34:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well what am I up to? Mostly taking care of our little six month old darling...lol. So I started to give him solid foods...mashallah it has been going well. He has had apples, peaches, carrots, pears, and peas - in that order! They say you should not start with 'sweet' foods but hey what do they know... just kidding...it just happened to happen this way. Next he will get butternut squash and later maybe avocado and bananas! I must also say that I have been making all this food and not buying them pre-made - mashallah it has been easy so far - alhamduillah - I really hope to keep it up, as I do not like all the additives they put into it and the processing involved with it. There is organic ready made baby foods - I may use those if we are travelling or something like that. Life is interesting with a six month old - mashallah I am enjoying it!

So my next thing is Ramadan, I am very nervous and scared about it. I know I probably should not say that as it is a very holy month - but it is such a long day this year. Last year I did not fast because I was pregnant and felt very left out, as well at Eid hubby took off for 'home' so I was left alone with my non-muslim, non-caring-about-ramadan mother, anyways. So I look forward to the month but with fear that I will not be able to fast for so long. It starts at around 4:30am and breaking the fast is at 8:30pm - I just can't imagine it?? I am partially breast-feeding and my fear is that my supply will disappear (its such a small amount already) I know they say you can not fast if you think there is a danger to you or your child - but it is not a danger, it is just that I would like him to get as much breast milk as possible - inshallah my supply will not go.

So that is what I am up to lately...not too exciting but its my life right now!

I hope to post more soon...inshallah!

Sleep training from a baby's perspective

2010-06-30T15:30:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Found this on an online group was really funny

OK, here is my situation. My Mommy has had me for almost 7 months. The first few months were great - I cried, she picked me up and fed me, anytime, day or night. Then something happened. Over the last few weeks, she has been trying to STTN (sleep thru the night). At first, I thought it was just a phase, but it is only getting worse. I have talked to other babies, and it seems like it is pretty common after Mommies have had us for around 6 months.

Here is the thing: these Mommies do not really need to sleep. It is just a habit. Many of them have had
some 30 years to sleep--they just do not need it anymore. So, I am implementing a plan. I call it the Cry-baby Shuffle. It goes like this:

Night 1--cry every 3 hours until you are fed. I know, it is hard. It is hard to see your Mommy upset over your crying. Just keep reminding yourself, it is for her own good.
Night 2--cry every 2 hours until you are fed.
Night 3 - every hour.

Most Mommies will start to respond more quickly after about 3 nights. Some Mommies are more alert, and may resist the change longer. These Mommies may stand in your doorway for hours, shhhh-ing. Do not give in. I cannot stress this enough: CONSISTENCY IS KEY! If you let her STTN (sleep through the night), just once, she will expect it every night. I KNOW IT IS HARD! However, she really does not need the sleep; she is just resisting the change. If you have an especially alert Mommy, you can stop crying for about 10 minutes, just long enough for her to go back to bed and start to fall asleep. Then cry again. It WILL eventually work. My Mommy once stayed awake for 10 hours straight, so I know she can do it. Last night, I cried every hour. You just have to decide to stick to it and just go for it. BE CONSISTENT! I cried for any reason I could come up with:

My sleep sack tickled my foot.
I felt a wrinkle under the sheet.
My mobile made a shadow on the wall.
I burped, and it tasted like pears. I hadn't eaten pears since lunch, what is up with that?
The cat said "meow". I should know. My Mommy reminds me of this about 20 times a day.
Once I cried just because I liked how it sounded when it echoed on the monitor in the other room.

Too hot, too cold, just right--does not matter! Keep crying!
It took awhile, but it worked. She fed me at 4 am. Tomorrow night, my goal is 3:30 am. You need to slowly shorten the interval between feedings in order to reset your Mommies' internal clocks.

Sometimes my Mommy will call for reinforcements by sending in Daddy. Don’t worry Daddies are not set up for not needing sleep the way Mommies are. They can only handle a few pats and shhing before they declare defeat and send in the Mommy.

P.S. Do not let those rubber things fool you; no matter how long you suck on them, no milk will come out. Trust me.

Not myself for months...but alhamduillah things are getting back on track

2010-06-14T17:03:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum &Peace to all

Ever feel not like yourself? Well that has been me for months now (6 months to be exact) I think I finally am starting to get back to feeling how I should be feeling and I am thanking Allah that He has watched over all of us and kept us safe and brought us through some dark times. Inshallah things will continue on the right path - please keep us in your dua's.

Things got so upside down that I truly did not think that things would ever be 'right-side' up again, I mean things got so bad that I didn't even know what 'normal' was anymore. I think I was treading slowly towards depression - and not just a small one either.

Just some of the things I/we've gone through. Had to sell my Mother's old home (my childhood house) (there were some complications about it but after a year it did sell) Had my Mother move into our very small condo and lived with us in the new house for almost 9 months (she has now moved out, Alhamduillah she is doing well so far - only been 2 days) I had our son 5 months ago, Mashallah he is the light in our eyes! Went through house renovations while preg and first month of baby being home. Emotions got very bad and strained and relationships changed forever - not all of them for the best -but Alhamduillah we are all through it now and Inshallah we will be on the 'right path' from now on. I pray that Allah keeps us strong and never lets us fall off the straight path...amen!

I hope to 'come' back to regular blogging really soon, if dear son allows me! LOL

Thanks to everyone who 'stops' by and reads the ramblings of this Inquisitive Muslimah!

What does the quran say about how parents should treat their children?

2010-06-03T17:39:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Just wondering if anyone knows of anything in the Quran or Hadiths that speak about how parents should be treating their children? I know there is a lot about how we should be respectful to our parents and care for them, etc.
I have been lately having some serious difficulties with my Mother and am having a very hard time to reconcile her behaviour and mine at the same time. It is said that we must respect our parents, that is all good and fine but why is there never mention of those parents respecting their children? I mean just because they gave birth to us does that mean we are `under` their whims and commands forever? I mean without going into too much detail, my Mother lately has become very `selfish`. Everyone is saying `oh just give her time and realize that she is getting older and it happens` Ok, it happens but in the process she is hurting me and others (my husband for one) saying very untrue things about all of us. She is living with us, but I feel she is not thankful at all and is always just looking out for herself.

Im not sure how this will all play out but it is just not working out living in one household, we all feel like we cannot go on with our own lives...always under a microscope....that goes for my Mother as well - except she will not admit it to me (I overheard her talking). That is another thing that bothers me so much that she will talk to others about how she is feeling but will never tell me.

Anyone still reading...please keep our family in your dua`s, as I really do need them!

Yeah...its me and its about time I start writing again!

2010-04-13T17:58:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well, well well! Look who's back again after 5 months!! Wow too long... nut so many things have been happening!
Just a quick message that I am well and so is baby alhamduillah! Yes, our little one came into this world on Jan 17th mashallah he is healthy and happy child and I am so thankful to Allah that he is in our life (he is smiling at me as I write this mashallah so adorable, melts your heart!)

I'm not sure if anyone is still reading my blog...don't blame you if you are not as I have not updated in so long! Inshallah I will try and post more often! (You wouldnt believe how much spam comments I have gotten these few months!)

Hope all my blogging friends out there are doing well and inshallah I'll catch up with all these posts!

Things on my mind... Mosques, hadiths, life and death

2009-11-10T15:41:00.001-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have so many things on my mind lately...and a few blogger posts out there have made me think about things too. Firstly I am well Alhamduillah, and baby is Mashallah doing well from last scan and testing...inshallah everything will stay well!
Secondly my Aunt is very sick and close to death...please keep her and her family in your dua's that she passes easily and that the family is comforted during this time...ameen.

So now on to the blog post that got me to thinking... one of them is about the state of Mosques
(this is the link to the post- my-suggestion-to-all-mosques)
I hope she doesn't mind me linking (if you do please let me know I'll remove it)

Talks about her suggestions of how to improve a Mosque...and I can't agree more with it! So many of the comments were spot on. I wrote about something like this in a previous blog (or at least I think I did...well if not I've wanted to for a while!) about how differently Mosques are from - for example - Catholic churches. Ok, of course they should be different but I'm not meaning theology wise, but how they are run and used, etc. We have all seen so many unruly children in the Mosque (if you haven't then, mashallah the parents and community are doing well!) I just cannot imagine being a child and running up and down along the pews of a church! Not to mention when prayer is being said!!
I had one instance at the Mosque of a child kneeling right in front of me while I was in prostration and smiling at me. I mean yeah it was cute...but I really wanted to concentrate on my prayer, especially while in prostration. Then there are those children running around the prayer hall making all kinds of noises while people try to pray, etc. I mean really ...its just sad. I can understand that Mosques will not have money for proper facilities and such, but this issue of the kids running around is the parents duty. I guess some people feel that children should be allowed to 'run free', I think it maybe because of a hadith that said that the Prophet Mohammed was praying and allowed a child to play on his back, but he continued to pray. Somehow I feel this is different. (someone correct me if that is not a hadith and just hearsay)

On the topic of Hadith's there was another blogger who posted about Hadith

I remember when I was first learning about Islam and when I realized what Hadith's were I kind of got a 'bad' feeling. Now, don't all jump at me and say "how can you have a bad feeling about Hadith's" What I mean about 'bad' in this context is that I when I realized they were 'man made words, not directly from God' I got nervous that there could be mistakes in them. I later found out that yes, there are 'weak' hadiths as well as 'strong' ones. Hence my bad feelings.
I mean let's be honest, as a convert or anyone for that matter who does not look up and study a Hadith, we can believe a 'weak' one easily - I mean how would we know?
Some one says, 'oh this and this is a hadith, so we have to believe it' Well, yeah ok it's a Hadith, but it may be a weak one!? I felt very early on that I wanted to be a 'Quran' only believing Muslim, apparently there are such Muslims, but they are 'looked down upon' in the community. Now once again, I realize that the Hadiths are there to compliment the Quran.
For example, prayer is mentioned in the Quran several times, but the actual way to do it is in the Hadith's or Sunnah (ways) of the Prophet. So, yes I realize we need Hadith's on how to proceed with our daily lives, etc. My only problem is when people seem to put Hadiths ahead of Quran.

I feel that I cannot go wrong if I live my life by the teachings of the Quran, and inshallah Allah will guide me to the right ways in life, and forgive me when I make mistakes and show me the right from the wrong.

So what do you all have to say about these 2 topics? I would love to hear some ideas that you have!

The charter for compassion

2009-10-29T15:15:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I like Karen Armstrong's books and just found this video...it is long but quite worth it to watch!

The Omnivore's Hundred

2009-10-27T10:58:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I wanted to post something fun for a blog...been to emotional lately (all I'll say is that Alhamduillah things are getting better and I pray they will continue that way!)

I saw this food game on Simplicity by the Sea blog
and thought I would post mine answers as well! Feel free to join in!
** Note any pork or alcohol on the list, I've tried 'before' I was Muslim - just in case someone was wondering**

Here’s a chance for a little interactivity for all the bloggers out there. Below is a list of 100 things that I think every good omnivore should have tried at least once in their life. The list includes fine food, strange food, everyday food and even some pretty bad food – but a good omnivore should really try it all. Don’t worry if you haven’t, mind you; neither have I, though I’ll be sure to work on it. Don’t worry if you don’t recognise everything in the hundred, either; Wikipedia has the answers.

Here’s what I want you to do:
1) Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you’ve eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.
4) Optional extra: Post a comment here at www.verygoodtaste.co.uk linking to your results.

The VGT Omnivore’s Hundred:

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
~~5. Crocodile~~ ( I don't think I would try it but maybe)
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
~~19. Steamed pork buns~~
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
~~36. Cognac with a fat cigar~~
37. Clotted cream tea
3~~8. Vodka jelly/Jell-O~~
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
~~42. Whole insects~~ (accidently swallowed a fruit fly and thats as close as I want to eat an insect YUCK)
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk
~~45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more~~
~~46. Fugu~~ (not a chance)
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
~~63. Kaolin~~
~~64. Currywurst~~
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
~~70. Chitterlings, or andouillette~~
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
~~73. Louche absinthe~~
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
~~76. Baijiu~~
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
~~80. Bellini~~
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant.
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
~~91. Spam~~ (Nobody should eat that stuff)
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
~~100. Snake~~

Things getting worse before they are better?

2009-10-19T13:24:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Thank you to everyone who commented on my previous post - all of your words really helped.
Unfortunately things have gotten worse ...not better, yes I did blow up a bit but it was for something different, I admit I reacted a bit quick and abrupt but it just happened and I have been 'paying' for that ever since. Not to seem like I'm back-biting (maybe I have already - may God forgive me if I have) but I over-heard my Mother talking badly about me and my husband to a friend of her's. After that I have not been the same, it's just too many times I have heard her say one thing to me and then go behind my back and talk badly. I am just deflated right now, I feel lost and don't know how to fix things. Hubby is very upset at the situation and I feel I am caught between the two of them. It's not like I have to make a choice between the two (I pray that it will never come to something like that) but my husband is right as well, the whole situation is too tense and my Mother is not realizing how much strain she is putting on us. I admit wholeheartedly that she is too in a difficult situation but having background history about this I can tell you that this is her personality - only it has gotten worse.

I prayed that God will show me out of this situation so that we can all be healed of this anger and frustration, but I just don't know what to do.

I know in Islam parents are held in high regard and God knows that I am trying to do my best but what about that parent not making things difficult? What about not hurting their own child?

May Allah forgive me and give me strength, as I will Inshallah have a child but I just can't imagine doing this to my child, I sit here almost in tears and in the morning when she says 'dear daughter' I feel a little part of my dying away because all I can hear are her harsh words that were spoken behind closed doors.

Does anyone have any prayers I can recite to calm me down, to give me patience? I just don't know how to handle all of this.
Forgive me if this sounds so dramatic...and I understand if nobody responds, I think I just need to get this out in the open.

Thank you

Am I being insensitive?

2009-10-16T10:44:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

For a few days now I've been irritated with my mom and I can't figure out if I am being rational about it or just emotional? So why not ask all of you out there? Here is the story.

My mom is living with us now for a few months, we are going to be moving into our new home in about a month (inshallah) and we have so many things to do in the apartment before it can be put on sale - massive cleaning and some structural work too (ie. finishing the flooring off and painting) So for these few months it has been a real struggle with my mom in terms that I find myself telling her 'what to do' everyday. She was living on her own for about 2 years and has taken care of her family (my Father and myself) for over 30 years so it's not like she does not know how to run a household, or cook, etc. I really looked forward to having the cooking done by her and her helping out with the household cleaning. Ok, I know that sounds harsh but it's nice to have some help (I work far from home so by the time I get home I feel so drained that the cooking and household chores suffer a bit - at least until the weekend) so thankfully my mom being healthy and capable to help out I was happy. Well, it has not really worked out that way at all.
She constantly is asking me what to cook and how to cook it...etc. She does not really take the initive to clean the house if she sees something a mess, instead she will say 'oh why are you doing that, when I can do it?" (huh... why didn't you do it then in the first place?) Once again is this harsh of me? Maybe it is, but she is always saying to me 'Don't do things, relax and let me do them.' Ok, thanks Mom but YOUR'RE NOT DOING THEM! (blush) I just can't tell my mom, oh go clean the bathroom, do the laundry, cook, etc. I feel as if I'm treating her like a maid.
Hubby is getting a bit frustrated with the situation as well, and so am I. It's just not easy to adjust to this life with her living there. It is a small apartment and she has her own small room and she will just go in there and watch TV, read, etc. So I feel strange, like I've shut her off from us, but it is her that closes the door and shuts herself off from us. So many times we've said come and sit with us, or don't close the door, etc. So I just don't know but it is all getting on my nerves, all these little things are pilling up and making me stressed, and I know I'll just blow up at her and that won't solve anything.

So, dear bloggers out there .... am I just a horrible insensitive daughter?? I would appreciate any comments or advice you may have.

Also I've started a pregnancy/baby diary so if you want to check it out
A mommy in training

I guess I'll find out what it's like to be a mom one day (inshallah)

Some fashion fun

2009-10-08T10:51:00.006-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I had way too much fun with this new Fashion designer program

I saw the link on Hegab-rehab

Have some fun and try out some new things!

MIllions wasted... we are a sad example of humanity

2009-10-07T10:21:00.005-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Yesterday as I was driving home I was listening to the news broadcast, something I don't really like to do too much as it is always filled with negative stories, crimes, etc but then again I realize I can't be living in a bubble and I need to know what is going on around me, so anyway. There was a blurb about the Cirque du Soleil founder who traveled to space by spending $35 Million dollars (yeah that is not a mistake) he says:

Cirque du Soleil founder Guy Laliberte said the US$35-million he paid to spend nine days on the International Space Station is "worth every penny," even with the physical challenge of being in orbit.

http://www.financialpost.com/story.html?id=2072115

I usually don't care what people will do with their money, I am not one to judge or criticize BUT all that ran through my head when I heard how much he spent was: it's such a waste.
I'm sure there are so many people who, if they had the money, would jump at a chance to go to space - I'm sure it is a life altering experience. I just couldn't help but feel sad at the thought of all that money going to waste and not going to charity, the poor, or any other number of good places that can use $35 million dollars! I mean really when you think about it, how much food and medicine could that buy for the needy of the world?

Now don't think that I am on my high horse looking down and on people who don't give money to charity, etc. I include myself in all this - as I know I could be donating more and helping out more, but I would like to think if I had an extra $35 million kicking around I would put it to better use, inshallah.

I can't help but think that so much money is wasted in this world. Look at all the sports athletes who earn millions a year, or the actors/actress' - do these people really need all that money? I guess it's just the way of the world right now... all I can do is try to change who I am and how I behave and perhaps other people will do the same...and so on and so on!

Niqab ban... why is it always about clothing?

2009-10-05T14:48:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Came across this article on the banning of Niqab in Egypt

Egypt cleric 'to ban full veils'

The niqab has become increasingly popular among Egypt's Muslim radicals

Egypt's highest Muslim authority has said he will issue a religious edict against the growing trend for full women's veils, known as the niqab.
Sheikh Mohamed Tantawi, dean of al-Azhar university, called full-face veiling a custom that has nothing to do with the Islamic faith.
Although most Muslim women in Egypt wear the Islamic headscarf, increasing numbers are adopting the niqab as well.
The practice is widely associated with more radical trends of Islam.
The niqab question reportedly arose when Sheikh Tantawi was visiting a girls' school in Cairo at the weekend and asked one of the students to remove her niqab.
The Egyptian newspaper al-Masri al-Yom quoted him expressing surprise at the girl's attire and telling her it was merely a tradition, with no connection to religion or the Koran.

I don't think this is a good idea... I don't like when people start banning things - headscarf or niqab or anything. Don't we have a right to wear what we want? Be it a full or half or no covering (I'm just trying to make a point) it's ultimately between me and my creator what I wear or don't wear? Ahhh sigh why is it that women and Islam always come down to what 'we are wearing/or not wearing' ?? I would love to see articles that promote the 5 pillars, and celebrate when women live up to those instead of hijab, niqab, etc!

I would love your thoughts and ideas on these topics!

Guarding each others's honour - Husbands and Wives!

2009-10-01T10:15:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got to thinking about something I read online a great article about guarding your husbands honour on the blog Ignite the light within

It talks about how women should guard the honour of their husbands. There are some excellent points in it to remember and keep in mind always. I have seen so many women who really 'bash' their husbands to their friends, some are just vicious about it - I always feel sad when I hear things like that because I believe that problems like that should not be out in the pubic. I think perhaps talking with a close friend or relative is a better way than to engage in gossip with your girlfriends. Now, to be honest I too have talked a bit about my husband, but I know that it will not go any farther than that person I talked with, and really it wasn't something bad he did more of an annoyance that I had to 'get' out and by doing that I got over it.

As I was reading it though I also thought how I never really see articles like this pointed towards men. Hmm? Now why is that? (or have I just not gone on the right sites or read much? Don't know but if anyone can point me in the direction of some good articles for the 'brothers and husbands, I would appreciate it!)
Why could the article not focus on both husbands and wives. I mean really I have heard lots of husbands complain just as much about their wives to their friends, etc. It really is human nature but that does not mean it is an excuse. I would love to see some good articles for men/husbands by men/husbands - now wouldn't that be great?

There is one part of the article that really touched me and gave me hope and inspiration.

Remember that in every command of Allah lies a potent hikmah, a hidden wisdom that is beneficial for you. He loves you seventy times more than your well-wishing mother. Run to Him – in salah [regular Islamic prayer], dua [praying to Him], dhikr [His remembrance by the tongue and heart], and istighfar [seeking His forgiveness for sins] – whenever you have a bone to pick with your husband. For the solution and the solace after the storm, trust in Allah. If you keep your duty to Him, He will never relinquish you – rather, He will fill your home with unbridled peace, harmony and tranquility.

Ok I've gone on long enough about this...I want to know what you all think?

The Essence of Islam: Are We Missing the Point?

2009-09-30T13:46:00.002-04:00

The Essence of Islam: Are We Missing the Point?

Very good article mashallah! Good points to keep in mind!

Posted using ShareThis

Christianity to Islam - a Nun's story

2009-09-29T10:42:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I came across this youtube video that I think is very good for Catholics to view! She talks very calmly and mashallah with lots of good examples and information! I hope one day to get the courage to show this to my mom - please pray for me but mostly for her to be guided to the straight path!

New template

2009-09-23T15:35:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I decided to 'clean' up the blog a bit..what do you all think? I like the colours, you think I should move around or remove some things?? Let me know!

I have been a bit more absent these days, but I'll inshallah be back with lots to talk about soon! So stay tuned LOL

Eid Mubarek

2009-09-20T17:38:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I just wanted to send a quick Eid Mubarek to everyone and hope that you are
spending the time with your family, friends and loved ones!

It was nice to see ....

2009-09-14T14:43:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Just thought I would share this pic ...
(no it's not to show you that toilet paper is on sale!)

If you look down at the bottom it says
"Eid Mubarek" beside the tea advertisment!

I was in this store actually 2 weeks ago and they had so
many products with the tag 'Ramadan Mubarek' It was really nice
to see!

Also in Wal-mart there was a big sign at the entrance saying
We wish you a happy Ramadan (or something like that)
I was so surprised and even showed hubby...he's goes 'yeah I saw!'
(grin)

At least it was something positive!

Egypt cracks down on breaking Ramadan fast

2009-09-11T12:25:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

News | Egypt cracks down on breaking Ramadan fast

Shared via AddThis

So much for "No compulsion in Religion"

I'm saddened by this really, I mean why do this? Were such things done in the Prophets (saws) time?

Any thoughts ideas on this? Share yours. I would like to hear all sides on this.

I love smart people!

2009-09-10T11:24:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Why Science fails to explain God.

A dialog between a Muslim student and a Philosophy professor

http://www.islamicweb.com/beliefs/science/philosophy_fails.htm

Did anyone watch this program from the past...

2009-09-08T15:58:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I know strange title but I couldn't think of anything else... anyway the program I am talking about is "Touched by an Angel" (I think only North Americans will know of this program)
anyway...it was a nice, mushy series about some angels who come to help out us humans, they are basically doing God's work here on earth... agree or not with it, it was a nice wholesome program that at least was trying to get across good values! So why am I bringing this up? Well because I have found the Turkish equivalent for it! LOL no really and its been translated into English! I first watched the Turkish version with hubby and he had to explain everything to me but somehow I kind of liked it! So now quite by accident I found a Turkish-American TV channel that shows them !
http://www.ebru.tv/en/ebrutv/Series/Fifth_Dimension/c.308.html

So if you feel like check out the episodes, (you can download and then watch them as well)

Actually the whole website shows different programs (most of them are religion based - which is nice!) I am slowly exploring the rest of the site...will let you all know of any more good programs!

Ebru TV

Ramadan Day 1

2009-08-25T10:06:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So I thought I would share what I made the first day of Ramadan.
The filled dates (with ground almonds, sugar)

As well as the Turkish Ramazan Pide - which Mashallah turned out wonderfully! It was enjoyed by everyone! It takes some work but well worth the time and effort!

I have been trying to keep up with the Quran reading but have fallen behind a bit, inshallah I will catch up today.

Also have another "Mom encounters Muslim experience" We went to an arabic grocery store to stock up on some meats and veggies and other goodies! LOL
I love that store because everything is so fresh and at a reasonable price! So anyway, because Ramadan was starting they had a huge section of dates. (mashallah so many different types - even fresh ones - oh btw can anyone tell me exactly how you know the fresh ones are ripe to eat? We bought some and I tried a few but I think they are still 'green') While we were perusing the date selection my Mom looks up and sees a sign that says : 'Ramadan Mubarek' and asks me what does that mean, so I just without even thinking say " It means 'happy' Ramadan' (grin) then she moves on to other things. LOL I think she sometimes doesn't realize things - probably will hit her later on or rather it will hit me that she probably already figures I am Muslim...and is just waiting for me to actually say it? So continues the saga of Mom ... stay tuned!

Ramadan preparations

2009-08-20T13:27:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ramadan is either tomorrow or the next day and I am starting it tomorrow... and yes I know that the N. American start is Saturday but I have the calendar from the Mosque and it says tomorrow and besides that they have not sighted the moon yet, they could tonight which means its tomorrow. Personally I feel that it is more important to fast, pray and do good this whole month + or - one day!

So I have a few goals this year as I will not be fasting - yeah don't you all jump on me! - I have my reasons, and this little one in here is the primary one! I am worried because the days are long for fasting and I have to drive all the way home (40km drive one way) and also my Mom is with us this year so that makes it a bit more difficult, only because I know that she would not agree with me fasting (she knows I fast during Ramadan) right now. So inshallah I will try and make it up when I can, I will inshallah be breast-feeding so it may be a while, we'll see. I have looked at the rulings of what is expected of the pregnant/breastfeeding woman, and to be honest I got a headache trying to determine what I should and should not do. So I have decided - may Allah forgive me and accept what I do - to give money to 'feed' a poor person for the whole month as well as making up the fast at a later date, inshallah. Some rulings say that you do not need to give the charity for the food, but I think why not? I do not give enough during the year so I feel this is a good opportunity to give more.

As well I am going to try and get up for suhur with hubby and make him something good to eat, this is a really struggle for me as I HATE TO GET UP THAT EARLY! but I feel its something I can do to 'make' up for not fasting. (I'll see how jolly I am to get up that early)

I really want to try and learn at least one more Quran sura, I have really been lacking with this, I am ashamed to say but it is reality.

As for food I will be cooking just normal foods but I will also be trying a few things out - first one is Ramazan pide (Turkish bread they make at Ramadan time - recipe is in that link)
also I made stuffed dates, I just love those!
They are just dates that are split and filled with ground almonds that has been mixed with powdered sugar and vanilla if you like - they are just so yummy and filling- mashallah!

So, inshallah all our prayers, fasts and charity will be accept and Allah keeps us on the right path always!

What a little bird said...

2009-08-18T11:14:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So this is what happens when I get bored...

Ack... I had to...well I didn't have too..but hey why not...
so who wants to follow me...or can I follow you??

Mom and an abaya

2009-08-17T16:34:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ok so here is my Abaya/Mom story ... first of all just as a reminder....
my Mom does not know about me converting (yeah still)

So one afternoon we were in a mall, she was looking for some 'house dresses' and as we were walking down an aisle I see a store that looks like it has some of those kinds of dresses. Just as an aside this mall has many indians/muslims - this becomes important because the store we went into was an Islamic store, tons of abayas and shalwars...etc
So needless to say it was a 'big' step to go into that store. It's not like my Mom would be against going in...just not something we would be doing. I had told my mom that i wanted to get something like an abaya for when im 'bigger' in my pregnancy, its comfy...etc she was like ok (it's always a surprise how my Mom will react to things!) so anyway... we saw rows and rows of abayas on the shelf, they were so nice andboth of us were ohhing and ahhhing at how lovely they were!
So I decided to start to look at some more seriously, that is when the woman came over and started to help me to try them on. Long story short we ended up buying an abaya for me (well my mom paid for it) and she bought one for herself....a simple plain black one! (Once again wonders never cease!)
While we were at the cash register, with the same woman who was helping us, she looked over and took 2 sunglasses and said here for you both free! She was so kind and helping and now here she was offering more to us... my Mom just looked at her and said 'no we can't accept this' the woman was all like 'no no please take it' and all smiling. So then I asked if they had a prayer compass (I don't have very much opportunity to be in an Islamic store, so I took my chance!) and she did...and gave me a discount on it mashallah!
Of course my mom asked what that is..i told her but said it's for hubby (well I can't win all the battles can I ? ) Then as we were leaving the store i said to her 'assalam alaikum
my mom was like oh what is that you said ....did you say bye in her language my mom right well knows that there is no Muslim language but anyway i told her that i said 'peace be upon you' and that she replied to me 'and you as well' which was a great lead into me telling her that in fact in the Hungarian Catholic Church you would always greet the priests that way and they had to reply back to you she was like...yes you are right.

I could see that my Mom was affected by all of this, and to be honest so was I. That sales woman was so friendly and caring, I can't help but be thankful that God put us in that position, so perhaps my mom would see what 'real' Muslims are like. It is at least a step in a good direction...inshallah it continues that way!

Oh btw, anyone interested in what kind of abaya I bought? It's a split one, with
red flowers embroidered on the sleeves and the bottom...I'll try and take a picture
and post it later on!

So what's been going on with me lately?

2009-08-11T09:26:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well I have not fallen off the face of the planet, although sometimes I feel like I have. The last two weeks of July I had my official time off from work but that was no fun at all because I had to move my Mom out of her own place and move her into our rather small 900sq ft. apartment. Basically we sold her house (the house I grew up in all my 34yrs minus the 2 years I've been married)
and are looking to find a new house for all of us...inshallah we will find something good to suit us all, please keep us in your dua's that we find something suitable!

On a side note it has been really very hard to part with the old house. I grew up there and all of my memories are tied to that house which will probably be rubble soon (as the person who bought it will be tearing it down eventually) so I feel like my memories will be scattered among the rubble. The house sold quickly alhamduillah, and the closing date was very fast, we had only about 3-4 weeks to pack everything and move it!
Let me tell you that packing up 30+ years of memories and 'junk' took some time and effort, both physically and emotionally!
I found tons of my old school papers, and other junk. Photos of my Father and his young years, and I couldn't help but be overwhelmed with emotion - I kind of tie that house to my Father's memory very closely and it is difficult to break that but it had to be done and I know that he would be ok with our decision.

So that is mostly why I have not blogged for a while, been trying to make sense of this new life, living with my Mom and hubby under the same roof.

Pregnancy has been good alhamduillah, but it's really a struggle some days. I just pray that everything is good with the little one and is born healthy and strong, all the tiredness and aches and pains and annoyances are little to go though to have a strong, healthy little one!

I'll try and update the blog more often...actually I have one update in mind and it involves my Mom and an Abaya ... wow! Stay tuned! LOL

Strangers striving for Allah

2009-07-09T13:14:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Come and join this new forum for Sisters (only) inshallah
it will be 'open' to read for 1 week and then it will become a private
group. I am looking forward to having some good chats inshallah!
Its all about sisters helping out sisters, exchanging information,
laughs, struggles. Let's make online less strange and come together!

You are not qualified to talk about Islam

2009-07-08T14:11:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I came across this article and I think its worth the effort to read it,
I'll post 'snipits' of it here though!

"You are not qualified to talk about Islam". How many times have I heard and read that same line, again and again? And more often than not, the same sentence is uttered or written by precisely the sort of self-trained autodidact whose own knowledge of Islam came from whatever he or she read on the internet or some cassette he bought at the local market.

This is the point that is often lost in the over-heated debates that take place between Muslim progressives and the more conservative Ulama in our midst. Whenever there is an attempt to question, debate, reform or develop the normative religio-cultural praxis of Muslims anywhere in the world, we often see the same reaction from conservative Ulama who will never accept that those who didn't go to the same schools as they did have the right to speak on matters of religious praxis.

If, for instance, a Muslim feminist were to abide by the rules set by some conservative male Ulama, they would be forced to conform to all the standards set by men: They would have to start from the beginning, go to the same schools as the ulama did, read the same books, dress and behave the same way, etc. But in the end, they would still be faced with yet another barrier to their participation into the discursive domain: "No, you are not qualified to speak on Islam. Why? Because you are a woman of course!"

Muslim women are more intellectually emancipated and equipped than ever before. Rather than silencing the voices of Muslim women who are trying to understand and make relevant Islam for the age we live in, the conservatives among us should learn to listen to the critical and often constructive comments of others instead. If Islam is indeed a universal religion, then it has to be open for discussion for all. If Islam is indeed for everyone, then everyone has the right to have a say in it.

Read the whole article
http://www.islamicity.com/articles/Articles.asp?ref=IC0906-3886

I think it is important not to fall into the cultural aspects of Islam
and unfortunately so many people do! I look forward to a day when
Islam is taught from a non-cultural perspective and all kinds of
cultures are accepted to be as Muslims!

First pregnancy related purchase

2009-07-07T14:23:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Just thought I would share my first pregnancy purchase mashallah.
http://www.ingridandisabel.com/bellaband.html

It's a band that goes around your tummy so you can still wear your
regular pants (unbuttoned) and not have them fall down you have
a bumpy appearance. I actually will inshallah get a lot of use out of this
as my back is always cold and somehow the longest of tops will slide up and
my back will be exposed - this always happens in the car and I hate it!

So now I will be able to wear some of my clothes for much longer
than I though I would have....because I do feel my mid-section growing!

I am now 10 weeks alhamduillah! I have another ultra-sound at
12 weeks inshallah all will be well - please keep 'us' in your dua's.

If it looks like a Mosque...

2009-07-03T11:31:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Tonight hubby and I and another couple are going to a Turkish
eating place/restaurant. I am not looking forward to it too
much only because the place is inside a Mosque.

Now me being a revert and all sometimes I will carry my
"Catholic baggage" with me. So because of that I have a problem with putting
'money making' things inside a place of worship.
I kind of go back to the story in the bible of where Jesus tore up
the market place because they were selling stuff outside the temple
and on a Sabbath (I think). Basically don't be making a profit where
people come to worship. I like that idea so the first time I saw a
restaurant under a Mosque I was more than surprised. It was in
Turkey, that a big beautiful Mosque had a restaurant under it and to the
side, the place was beautifully decorated and all but somehow it just
didn't sit right with me.
We went exploring around the building a bit and went
inside the restaurant and there was a corridor, so of course I wanted to
see what was there. Well as we kept walking there was a clothing store and
a food store. Oh my... what next?? Luckily there was nothing more to it.
Ok, it wasn't really under the Mosque but more towards the right of it and
down a level or two. But still I felt like it was wrong, somehow?
I tried to reassure myself that this was yet another case of, my "Catholic
Baggae" inter-fearing with Muslim beliefs. So I asked hubby if this was 'ok'
and something 'normal', he said yeah they do it a lot in Turkey.

Ok, but that still didn't answer my question, is it allowed or encouraged to do so?
I found this online by accident actually.
http://www.daruliftaa.com/question.asp?txt_QuestionID=q-20125779
(ok so this question relates mostly to building of a 'rental apartment' but
there were some parts that answered my question)

Based on this fact, the Hanafi Fuqaha state that once a Mosque is built,
it will not be permitted to build anything else on top of the Mosque or below it.
It will not be permitted, for example, to build shops, a library, a house,
rooms for resting, toilets and other such things above or below the Mosque.
"If a basement was made under the Mosque for a purpose that is
beneficial for the Mosque itself, then this is permitted, as is the case
with the Masjid of al-Quds. However, if the basement or vault is made
for the benefit of other than the Mosque or a house was made on top of
the Mosque….. then the Mosque will not remain.”
Therefore, it would be permitted, for example, to build below the Mosque
the ablution area for the usage of those attending prayers, a library,
shops that are given on rent with the revenue returning to the Mosque and
other such facilities. Similarly, it will be permitted, for example, to build a house
or rooms on top of the Mosque for the Imam, as that is in the interests of
the Mosque (provided the house does not come into the personal
ownership of the Imam). Similarly, it will be permitted to make rooms
that are rented out with the rental income returning to the Mosque.
However, what will not be allowed is to have someone build his own
personal house above the Mosque or someone have his own personal
shop below the Mosque, etc

.

So technically it is allowed as long as the profits go to the Mosque.
Hmm interesting yet again my baggage has bogged me down, so to speak.
I can also understand that we live in a world that you need money to survive
and the governments don't really give any money to Mosques (I'm not
certain but I am fairly sure they would not) so they need to have money
in order to keep the place in order, etc. So in that way it is a very good thing.

As well maybe it is a good thing to have other things inside or around
the Mosque as it will create a more community feel for it?
Hmm don't know it will take time to digest all this
(haha yeah I know funny as I am going to a eating place!)

The funny thing is that I saw an Orthodox church that had a pharmacy
attached to it - here in Toronto! Go figure?

Your thoughts?

I love when people don't listen to what you say...

2009-07-02T18:03:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I am still stuck at work its already 6:10 and usually I leave
at 4:30 but what to do ...

I just had to get this out...I answer the phone by saying,
"Good afternoon (company name)"
It's one of those survey things...she starts off her spiel and
she goes 'are there any females between the ages of 18-60 in
the home'
I told her 'this is not a residence!" She goes oh, sorry!

Well hellooooo who answers the phone with 'good afternoon ABC company'
if it were a house?? HMm.... hmmmm?? Arrrrr I can't stand it when people
don't listen!
It happens all the time too!!

Okey Im almost ready to go home now...another 15 mins inshallah left
then I can drive home and make dinner...oh joy??

We should be thankful and remindful of our blessings each day!

2009-06-25T12:05:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

This is just amazing...subhanallah that the child was not hurt!
Just goes to show you that everything is by the will of Allah

Turkish Boy Run Down in Horrific Car Crash (VIDEO)

A boy was walking along the street in Sanliurfa, Turkey, when a car swerved to avoid hitting a dog, lost control and slammed into him, knocking him down a set of concrete steps
. The accident was caught on CCTV video.

The boy, Muhammet Dirlik, was hit by the car which then crashed through a store window just a few feet away. Miraculously, he jumped up and ran to his father.

The boy’s father, Ibrahim Dirlik, said: “I saw my son come towards me crying, but we were not aware he had been hit by the car. We thought he was just scared by the crash. We only realised the next day that the car had hit my son.”

Saudi Princess on Women's Rights

2009-06-23T15:01:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Found this video on you tube ...its the Saudi Princess talking a bit about
Women's rights, etc.
Some quotes are great and she speaks very well, calmly.
"just because we are covered doesn't mean we don't know anything"
found at 2:39

"to keep the pride and dignity of woman" Love that!

I think I'll look up more from her

Coming to terms with ...

2009-06-22T13:37:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Pregnancy!

I am 8 weeks now (mashallah) and in the middle of the most annoying
nauseated feeling I have ever experienced! Nobody tells you the reality
of being pregnant! I am not throwing up (which is good I guess) but I do
have this nauseated feeling almost for the whole day, comes and goes but
the time between it coming and going is quite short.
I have tried ginger ale, nope no help. Munched on soda crackers, nothing but
crumbs to sweep up now. Chamomile tea helps a bit but not entirely, at least the
tea has a calming effect on me! I've bought some candied ginger, so we'll see if
that does anything at all?

Here are some interesting tidbits about how the child is developing!

Congratulations -- your embryo is now called a fetus, which means "offspring". Your uterus expands to accommodate its new resident, which now measures approximately five-eights of an inch / 1.6 centimetres. Many changes take place this week -- the embryonic tail is gone, and all organs, muscles, and nerves are beginning to function. The hands now bend at the wrist, and the feet begin to lose their webbed appearance. Eyelids are beginning to cover the eyes.

oohoo! You've got one whole inch of baby inside of you! Your little embryo has finally reached the one-inch mark (30mm). And if it were possible to take a peek, you could actually see your tiny baby without a telescope! What’s more, your baby is finally starting to take on some very distinct human features. For starters, their little tail (really just the spinal cord) has disappeared completely. It’s nice to know your baby can no longer be mistaken for a sea creature! Additionally, both their toes and fingers are prominent with very little, if any, webbing. Upper and lower limbs all show recognizable joints (elbows and knees) and the lower limb bones are starting to ossify. But don’t expect your baby to resemble either parent quite yet. Right now, your baby’s head is disproportionately larger than the rest of their body--making up almost half of your little one’s height and weight!

http://pregnancy.baby-gaga.com/calendar/week8
http://www.babycenter.ca/pregnancy/fetaldevelopment/08weeks/

I am truly fascinated and amazed at these facts and how the baby develops week
by week! As well I am so thankful to God that we are blessed. It is really now that
you see that we as human beings did not just 'evolve' but that there is a plan to
all this and a 'creator', all of this could not just be an accident.
Everything has its time
and place and function! Subhanallah only God can do this!

Well, that's it for now as I feel very tired but am at work, but thought I would
just check in a bit!

Some news...

2009-06-16T13:06:00.000-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

There is no easier way to say this....

Subhanallah we are expecting our first child... please keep us in your
Dua's that I have a healthy pregnancy!

Thank you to everyone who has seen me along on this journey of
trying to conceive.

What kind of tea...

2009-06-15T11:12:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I am slowly crawling back to blogging life.
I know it has been a while and I have missed telling you all
about my 'oh so exciting lifestyle' (insert sarcasim)

I say over at Teabreak thoughts
some quizzes so of course I had to try them out!

You Are Tea

You are mellow and reflective. You don't allow yourself to feel in a rush and frenzied.

You're likely to appreciated the ideas or connections that come up over a warm cup of tea.
While you do enjoy the energy of a caffeine boost, you love that it allows you to take a break.

You're not in a rush to do anything. You're content with your life, and in no rush to change it.

Are You Coffee or Tea?

I kind of feel I am a coffee person more... but hey I do like making connections to people
and I do love to 'take a break' so maybe its right!

You Are White Tea

You are quite delicate and very sensitive. You are easily overwhelmed.

Peace and serenity are important to you. You shy away from intensity of any sort.

You appreciate a simple quiet moment. You can relax easily without feeling bored.

You take the time to enjoy life. Even when things are busy, you make the time.

What Kind of Tea Are You?

So what type of Tea are you?

I think today will be filled with some mindless posts...but I am working on something
more interesting - stay tuned!

What have I been up to? Not much!

2009-05-21T10:24:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Sorry again..and again! I have been missing in action so to say! Work has been very crazy and stressful and only now am I slightly coming back to normalcy! (Yeah whatever that really means?!) I feel like I have so much to blog about but I can't put it all together into a coheseive post... I'll post when I am able to do that! LOL

Here are some of my latest pics... more to come (went to Niagra Falls on the weekend!)

Some interesting you tube videos

2009-05-01T21:26:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I like to look around youtube from time to time... there are so many 'hateful' and hurtful videos on Islam I just pass those by...there is enough hate around. So here are some nice, inspiring videos!

Mashallah I really liked that prayer...so inspiring!!

Some Dua's - so beautiful!

Beautiful Azan

Istanbul's first female mosque designer

2009-04-28T14:58:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Just a short article/video I found

It is quite and interesting design...I really like how bright and open it is! I hope there
will be more pictures of it in the future from the inside.

What are your thoughts on it?

I have a cold...be back shortly!

2009-04-22T15:06:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have not fallen off the face of the earth (but wish I had) I'm just feeling sucky, well actually I'm feeling crappy, as I have a cold (achooo) (snif snif)

I will be back to blogging shortly...well as soon as I don't feel like my head is a balloon trying to escape!

Sinus and feeling crappy ... and photo happy

2009-04-16T15:10:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Sorry no interesting blogs lately... can't seem to think of anything of worth lately. Well that's not true but it is all trivial stuff and meaningless (to me anyway). I have however been emersing myself in my photography. I am currently struggling with photoshop and I must say that I am making progress, more so than I thought I would only 6 months ago! Woo Hoo!!
So if anyone is interested these are my current pictures
(I've joined a Muslimah photography group on Flickr and I'm addicted!)

Flickr Photostream

As well I think I have 'sinuses' (dah...I know we all do!) rather I am feeling them and my nose is dripping incensntly! Anyone have some 'home made' remedies for it? I would rather not take any medicine for it right now (long story as to why not) and was thinking if anyone suffers from sinuses and has a good cure for them? (sniff sniff) Thanks!

So that's all right now...I'm waiting for the weekend and happily waiting for spring which I think Subhanallah has finally arrived!

Enjoy your days!

Journey to Mecca - The movie

2009-04-13T21:10:00.008-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So on Friday we watched the movie Journey to Mecca

I really liked the movie mostly because it was in the IMAX format, which means that you have the feeling of being inside the movie. The story was about a traveller who had a dream that he had to travel and get knowledge, his first step was to do the hajj. Mashallah the scenes were so inspiring and dramatic. It was filmed in the desert, with the sand, camels and made you feel as if you were really there standing in the desert! The scenes that had the Kabbah was truly dramatic and made me feel as if I was there witnessing the Hajj and saw the expressions on the faithful's faces. There was a scene that showed many hundreds praying and it was just before they went into sujud, standing and then going into prostrations, the sound of the rustling as they went down to kneel and then complete silence as they had their foreheads to the ground. I was so moved by that - there were literally hundreds of thousands there all worshiping at the same time - subhanallah !!
My only regret was that the movie was short, only about 45 minutes - it would have been nice to have the story develop more.

The place that we went to see the movie was the local science center and they also had an exhibit called 'Sultan's of Science' it was very good and informative! Truly the Islamic world and Muslims in general have contributed so much to the world, if only the world would see and learn!
I am really so happy that this exhibit was shown and I can only hope that some kids and adults will learn more about Islam from all of these scientific discoveries!

I took a few pictures of some banners that were hanging and mashallah they were all words associated with the discoveries, inventions of Muslims!

I think I am going to research more of these topics - Mashallah they had a big exhibit on the medical instruments that Muslim doctors used and then beside that they had the new modern version of it and most of them were very similar - basically a newer version of them!
Really a good exhibit and movie! I am so glad that I had a chance to see it all!

My weekend ....and today

2009-04-13T13:58:00.006-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I had the pleasure of going to watch a new IMAX movie called: Journey to Mecca.
Let me tell you that it was great! Truly an inspiring movie (all be it short).
I think it was mostly because it was in the IMAX version. For those who do not know, this is a movie theatre that has the screen all around you - kind of like sitting in a planetarium. The sound was remarkable and the pictures made you feel as if you were standing in the desert and mashallah even felt as if you were there in Mecca, circling the Kabba!
Here is a summary of the movie and a trailer.

Journey to Mecca tells the story of Ibn Battuta, (played by Chems Eddine Zinoun) a
young scholar, who leaves Tangier in 1325 on an epic and perilous journey, travelling
alone from his home in Morocco to reach Mecca, some 3,000 miles to the east.

Ibn Battuta is besieged by countless obstacles as he makes his way across the North
African desert to Mecca. Along the route he meets an unlikely stranger, the Highwayman (played by Hassam Ghancy) who becomes his paid protector and eventual friend. During his travels he is attacked by bandits, dehydrated by thirst, rescued by Bedouins, and forced to retrace his route by a war-locked Red Sea.

Ibn Battuta finally joins the legendary Damascus Caravan with thousands of pilgrims
bound for Mecca for the final leg of what would become his 5,000 mile, 18 month long
journey to Mecca.

When he arrives in Mecca, he is a man transformed. We then experience the Hajj as he did over 700 years ago, and, in recognition of its timelessness, we dissolve to the Hajj as it is still performed today, by millions of pilgrims, in some of the most extra ordinary and moving IMAX® footage ever presented.

Ibn Battuta would not return home for almost 30 years, reaching over 40 countries and revisiting Mecca five more times to perform the Hajj. He would travel three times farther then Marco Polo. His legacy is one of the greatest travel journals ever recorded. A crater on the moon is named in his honour.

I'll write more about this movie and my thoughts.

So did that on Friday, then on Saturday hubby and I laid down more of the flooring in our apartment, yeah, it's still not done! Inshallah soon though, maybe another 2 weeks and it will be done, the whole apartment in laminate flooring! Woo hoo! No more carpet!
Sunday went to dinner at some Friend's place. So that brings us to today, and work ... ick!
However I did go out and splurge on some shoes... (it was buy one get the other half off!)

What do you all think?

Well, I'm wearing them right now...lol in the office and I must say they are cute, not comfy but cute! So that's my day so far!

Your personality...

2009-04-09T10:06:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I saw this on another blog and thought I would post some of my more interesting results!

You Think Creatively

Your brain works best when you let your intuition be your guide.
You like to imagine, speculate, and fantasize. You have fun playing with ideas.
You are interested in theories. You enjoy studying and developing them.
You are drawn toward art, philosophy, and even math. Almost every subject is interesting to you.

How Do You Think?

You Are a Mosaic

You are worldly and cultured. You draw inspiration from many sources.
You appreciate vivid colors and busy scenes, but you like a bit of order too.
You believe that art should have many layers. It should be beautiful up close and from afar.
The best art gets more interesting the longer you look at it.

What Type of Art Are You?

Your Mind is 67% Cluttered

Your mind is quite cluttered. And like most clutter, it's a bunch of crap you don't need.
Try writing down your worst problems and fears. And then put them out of your mind for a while.

How Cluttered is Your Mind?

You Belong in the Baby Boomer Generation

You fit in best with people born between 1943 and 1960.
You are optimistic, rebellious, and even a little self centered.
You still believe that you will change the world.
You detest authority and rules. Deep down, you're a non conformist.

What Generation Do You Belong In?

You Are an Old Soul

You are an experienced soul who appreciates tradition.
Mellow and wise, you like to be with others but also to be alone.
Down to earth, you are sensible and impatient.
A creature of habit, it takes you a while to warm up to new people.
You hate injustice, and you're very protective of family and friends
A bit demanding, you expect proper behavior from others.
Extremely independent you don't mind living or being alone.
But when you find love, you tend to want marriage right away.
Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

I'm still here... just lost in thinking

2009-04-08T15:31:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

After the last post I've been kind of in a mood... not a great one but not a bad one either. It's just that things made me think and re-evaluate what is important in my life. So here are my conclusions.

1. God is important and comes first
2. Family & Friends
3. Work (need to do that to make a living)
4. Entertainment (reading, blogging, photography)

I do most of these things everyday and you know what it's not a bad life... I really should be thankful for everything and see that so many people are suffering.

So what are you priorities?

A question ...

2009-04-01T15:28:00.006-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got asked today a very good question:
Why are you uncomfortable sharing Islam with your family?

I had to think quite a lot about this and really to be honest, I don't have a good answer for it. But me being me...I'll give you some insights as to why I have a hard time telling/sharing Islam with my family.

First of all it's mostly because my Mother does not know, and telling her right now I fear she will become ill - and I mean really ill. She has been through a lot of difficulties and to be frank she is getting older and does not handle change very well lately. I have been so close to telling her about twice now, but each time I kind of wimp out of it. I have talked to her about Islam and she knows that it is something I know about, obviously because my husband is Muslim! Now there is
the part that would probably make things easier, you would think? I sometimes think that she already figures that I have changed religions for 'him' (the classic answer) and that me telling her would only serve to confirm her thoughts, but I cannot be sure of that. I'm sure many of you are thinking...well just tell her and get over it! Yeah I would love to and as this is not a TV episode that ends in half and hour and has a neat and tidy - huggy huggy ending, I will have to deal with
the outcome of it. I have however given my mom some articles to read and have even given her
some verses of Quran (although she does not know they are from Quran - yeah I know, sneaky, but I pray that it was not something wrong to do!) She asked me where it came from, I said 'online' (blush)

Secondly I am not really that close with my family, only a cousin and his family, his mother. (My Aunt) We don't really have a big family. So that leaves my friends, which I have a few really good ones, and some more casual ones. Only 5 or 6 of them know that I am Muslim and it only came
out casually in conversation and thankfully they did not make a big deal of it! (I don't like being the center of attention!)

All of my co-workers do not know... and there is a reason, well two. One is that the woman who hired me is a friend to my cousin....so if one knows the other will know as well. You do the math! Second is that people here are very un-receptive towards anyone really different, I mean if I were to show up in a headscarf, well let's just say I don't know what would happen.

I can just hear some of you bloggers out there saying... 'oh those are not good reasons at all'
Well you know what, you are probably right but for me right now at this stage I am at, this is how it has to be. I can only pray that inshallah one day I have the strength and Iman to face people and proudly say I am Muslim! That day has not come.

Being an anonymous face in the blogging world gives me a strength that I do not feel in the outside world. Perhaps it is because it is anonymous, but it is so much easier to be myself here online. Isn't that funny that it takes a pseudo life to feel as if you are living your real life?

Well so right here right now... I am proud to be Muslim and I thank Allah that it was brought into my life and Inshallah I want to grow and learn everyday in this wonderful, peaceful religion! I also pray that one day I will be able to share all of this with my family and friends!

A letter to my Mother - part one

2009-03-31T14:11:00.001-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have written something all my life, well ever since I can remember writing. I have always liked to write down my thoughts and somehow get meaning from it.
I recently found some of my very old writings and looked back on them and thought.... wow was I ever dark and depressed...lol. Not all my things were so dark but it did represent how I felt at that time, well I was a teenager...I think we're all 'dark' at that time in our lives!
I thought I would share with you all a 'letter' I am writing to my Mother. I really have not decided for sure if this will be a 'real' letter or just a fictional piece of writing with a very real edge to it.

I sit and start writing, I am writing to you because somehow I cannot get these words out to you in person. I sit here and try to think what happened that I cannot talk to you, cannot tell you my wonderful news, or tell you anything about my new life? All I know is that if I do not tell you these things, I will somehow lose a part of myself. You raised me, loved me and cared for me for so many years. You raised me with your beliefs, thoughts and words. You raised me to be kind to others, show compassion and be generous. You would say to me: Be thankful to God that you have been given life and always remember God in your life. You raised me well and I cannot forget that, but now it seems that you have forgotten about me, or maybe you think I have forgotten about you. You only see what I do and wear, not the daughter that you raised. You think I have rejected your teachings and in essence rejected you. You only see hate and lies. I want to tell you that you are being lied to and taught hatred. Instead of listening to me, you listen to strangers - people who do not care about you, but I do. You say to me: why do you bow down to a false god, how could you reject all I taught you, you are rejecting me. I get so hurt by your words, yet you do not know how much it hurts. You are blinded by lies. I try and tell you: I bow down to God, the same God you worship, the one and only God, the same God you taught me to worship. You say: Don't blaspheme, it is not the same God, don't ever say that. Your words cut me. I say: God is great, God is great, He is the only one to worship, he is the One God. Praise be to Him who created the heavens and the earth and everything else!

Don't you just love being censored!

2009-03-30T10:57:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Not really an important blog entry but there is something I need
to get off my chest! I visit an online forum (which will remain
nameless) for Muslims, they were originally on MSN but moved
to their own site after MSN closed down the groups pages. Anyway,
I was a member of that MSN site for a long time and there is actually
where I learned so much about Islam and ended up saying my Shahada
online... so after not being in contact with that group (another long story)
I was so happy to see that it was back online and I also started to talk to
the 'old' members...mashallah it was nice to catch up again!

So, last week there was an article on there that was talking about how
women in Saudi Arabia were forced to go and buy underwear from Men
as they would not employ Women.
So me being me, I posted a comment that said:

I agree... I think it is absolutely the most ridiculous thing in the
world to have Men selling undergarments to women...and above
all in Saudi where there are religious police running around
ensuring 'modesty' is obeyed! I mean really - anyone see some
hypocrisy there?

As well just on that topic... Women are not allowed to drive,
because they will be a distraction to Men? Hmm? Well fine but
then why are they expected to be chauffeured around by a non-mahram?
Somehow that is alright by their standards? I think they need to
think things through a bit more!
Inshallah!!

This was the reply as to why the post was deleted

Members were leaving comments about how things are run
and about them having hypocrisy, this is not from the manhaj
(methodology) of the salaf and it opposes the sunnah.
You make duaa for the leader or advise them in private,
it is not for us to speak about their sins and talk about them
publicy and we should obey them as long as they do not tell us to
do haram, and before we look at our leaders we should look at
ourselves because the muslims as a whole need to start following
islam and Allah will not change our situation until we change what
is in ourselves, so we have the rulers we deserve.
InshaAllahi will provide the daleel (proof) for these points.

Hmm... look at this and please someone tell me is this not
the definition of hypocrisy?

"and we should obey them as long as they do not tell us to do haram,"

Hmm... isn't driving with a non-mahram against sharia?
Allahu alim, I mean really someone tell me I was wrong?
Don't we have an obligation to encourage the right and forbid
evil? Anyway I don't know I just don't like being censored like that.

I looked back now and see that the post is back... it seems they had
a change of heart. Still I don't like when I'm deleted!

Do Muslims have a 'holy' day?

2009-03-26T08:34:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So lately for about six months or so my Mother has re-invented

(well that's my way of describing it) her religious beliefs. Yeah no,
it's not to Islam (Inshallah one day she can see the beauty of it)
but instead has gone into a more radical form of Christianity.
(at least I feel it is more radical for her)

So I called her this morning to say I'm at work and everything is
fine (yes I call her - she worries). So she asked me where I got some
chicken bones I used for soup (they were Kosher type) and she assumed
I went to a Jewish type of store. I said no it's just from a local
grocery store that happens to sell Kosher and Halal stuff. I ask
her does she need more? She says no I need 'unleavened' bread.
Huh? I'm instantly taken back to the Old testament bible, and the
stories of Moses and then eating unleavened bread because they had
no yeast or rather time for it to rise. I was about to ask what she
needed that for but really at 8am I was not in the mood to hear about
it at all. I assumed it's for Easter. I think I will ask her on the weekend
what its all about? We only go on Sunday as my Mother now keeps
Saturday as a holy day (Yeah she is not Jewish, but some other form
of Christianity - she has not told me which though)
So this all got me to thinking... Do Muslims have a holy day?
Ok, so before people jump on me and say its Friday/Jummah I mean
was there a day set apart from all other days? The Jewish and
Christian have a day of 'rest' and a day for worshiping God.
Is Friday that kind of day? I don't really think Friday is considered in that
way in Islam. But then I have to think (May Allah forgive me) why in
so much of old history does God want a holy day but then there is no such
thing in Islam?

Anyone can shed any light on this for me?

My City ... from high above

2009-03-25T21:37:00.010-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Here are a few pictures from the 2nd tallest free standing tower in the world.
(I`m still bitter about that!) Oh by the way..these are my pictures not just
from the net!!

This is the Island Airport

This is the view from the glass bottom floor

Beautiful lake and city view

From the observation deck - its outside

The main downtown area

so that is it...a little tour of my city...so
can you guess where it is... there is a hint
in the last picture!

Job stuff and life in general

2009-03-25T09:09:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I haven't fallen off the planet (just yet) I've been kind of stressed lately
and just didn't have time to blog as work was kind of crazy.
For the past two days I have been seriously debating leaving this job
and finding a new one. I even applied for one - no answer.
When I was looking at the things I was qualified for I realized that I just
do not want to do the same job I have been doing for over ten years. I
need a change but I don't know how I can do that? I mean how do you leave
a job you've done for so long and change to something completely unknown?
It struck me that my conversion to Islam was the same, I went from the very
familiar to the very un-familiar. The transition was less than favourable, as I
felt completely lost and bewildered.

So now is it any different? Yes it is but I still feel lost,
who am I really, how do I fit in with the rest of the Muslims out there?
Well, the answer is that I don't really and I think that is ok.
We need to be our own person and if that means we don't fit in with a
certain group, well then create your own group or live the best life you can live!
Wow, off on a tangent I went!

As for the job stuff...I am a bit more relaxed now, as that moment of
"I cannot work here for another moment" has passed. I still want and need to
make a change and I am praying that God will lead me into the place I need to
be, so for now I'll just keep my eyes open! Inshallah!

Blogging world

2009-03-17T12:56:00.004-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Is it just me or has it become quiet in the blogging world?
Somehow lately I've felt that there are no good discussions
going on... well maybe its my reader list that has gone quiet,
although I must admit I have not blogged so frequently either lately.

I think I'm starting to miss reading posts. It used to be that when
I would refresh my reader list so many blog posts would be there
but now that is not the case. Maybe I'm just bored, that could very
well be it too.

An update from me is that I am still going on with the fertility tests.
I have gone three times now and I have to go again tomorrow for
another ultra sound and blood work.

It's quite interesting to see how the body works...right now I'm at
the follicular phase - Subhanallah it makes me think how wonderful
it all is and I can't help but be in wonder and amazement at how
Allah has created us!

Degredation of the Family unit...some thoughts

2009-03-16T16:32:00.005-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have a news feed up on top of my browser window - its set to
Turkish news right now (Hubby is Turkish and I sometimes like to
surprise him with some knowledge about what's going on there!)
Anyway... off topic!
So I saw this article title

School Books are Turkish, Muslim, Male, Heterosexual and Racist

I thought....hmm this should be interesting.
The article starts off like this:

The findings of the second project of monitoring Turkish school
books for human rights violations, run by the History Foundation
and the Human Rights Foundation of Turkey, have been published
as a book.

"...The father is the person who makes the living for the family.
The mother is the father’s helper, and she provides the food, child care
and love in the family.”

Ok, what is so wrong with that? Yes there are women who make a living,
and yes it is a nice thing for the father to help out the mother. In most homes
the mother is the one cooking and cleaning and childcare. I know that this makes
it sound as if the women are at a disadvantage, but I have to disagree. I think
many of us grew up in such homes, did we turn out all misguided?

The article goes on:

“The groups most at risk of contracting AIDS are: people having unsafe
sexual relations, people with more than one sexual partner,
homosexuals, drug users, those dependent on blood products and health personnel.” (E.A. Kolukısa (2006) Primary School Social Studies
6, p. 147, Ankara: A Publications).

This sentence encourages prejudices towards both people who are not heterosexual and those who cannot live with one partner.

Um...this to me looks more like a fact not 'discrimination'?
Should text books write 'its ok to have more than one sexual partner'?
I mean really these books are for children in school, it should not
contain 'thoughts or ideals', I think facts are needed not opinions.

Ok this really boggles my mind - remember these are books made for
Turkish children IN Turkey.

Related to this issue is the choice of names that the characters in school
books have. They are always Muslim and Turkish names, such as
Ömer, Zeynep, Mustafa, Mehmet, Meral, Sema…In vain does one look
for Armenian, Kurdish or Jewish names, such as
Agop, Zilan, Baran, Moşe, Roni or Nayat.

We generally use 'English' sounding names here in Canada, and we have
so many different nationalities, so I don't think that is being racists. With so
many ethnicity's here the book makers would be dizzy from choosing names!
Would you really see a book here with the characters having a
Chinese or Indian name? I wouldn't mind, but realistically would it happen?
Perhaps Canada is in violation of Human Rights too then?

“For no one; we are Allah’s subjects…our hearts are full of belief,
our strong arms….”(A. Kapulu (2007) Primary School
Turkish 4, p. 29, Ankara: Koza Publications).

According to the report of the History Foundation, religious beliefs
are presented as positive suggestions in school books.
Traditions are shown as incompatible with a critical mind.
When religion is described as a “culture”, morality is reduced to religiosity.

Ok so teaching or 'promoting' religion is a bad thing? I think maybe if more people
were religious they wouldn't be so many wars?

“My mother bought a blanket from a door-to-door salesperson.
But when my father came home in the evening, he said that the blanket
could not be paid with this month’s budget, and said we would have
to give it back.” (E. A. Kolukısa (2007)
Primary School Social Studies 6, p. 22, Ankara: A Publications).

- Stop here and think of what that sentence means to you?
Then scroll down and see if you thought the same as they are claiming
in the article that this sentence portrays.

This sentence shows a woman who cannot make decisions, as well as a male-dominated family.

Are you kidding me? All I thought when I read that is that 'there is no money
this month and they could not afford it. Never would I have thought, 'the woman
is too stupid to know how much money they have and keeps spending! AACCKKK

Okey so after all these I have a few thoughts on how the world is progressing.
First of all I think the 'family unit' is broken down and not 'cherished' anymore.
Yes both sets of parents may be working and it is no longer only the man who is
the bread winner, but that does not mean that we need to forget about family life.

Women have babies, and usually those babies take about 6months to one year to
become able to be left with someone else other than their mother. So, yeah in
that time the "man" of the house is going to have to provide, and is that so wrong??
Morals and values have seem to been abandoned, in the pursuit of wealth and
success.

I really cannot believe that those books are being questioned, well ok,
I can believe they are being questioned (and there are some aspects
of the article that I agree with, some things really should be re-evaluated
by the Turkish schools) but to be accused of Human Rights violations
for printing such things? I mean come on people....lets be realistic!

If put under a microscope and analyzed in these terms I would like to know
which nation in the world would not be violating Human Rights?

I would really like some opinions on this article - well at least the quotes
I've posted above. Do you agree, or not or have another opinion?

New Layout

2009-03-12T12:31:00.003-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So I thought I would change up the layout... cleaned it up a bit but not
sure if I'm entirely happy with it - maybe just takes time to get used to it.

So what do you all think - like, dislike, don't care!

Cycle day testing and other things...

2009-03-11T12:54:00.006-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well I have started my reproductive journey... meaning that I have started to go for testing to see what's going on? I started up a blog with a friend and I've written down what happened on this first appointment.
If anyone is interested this is the site: Conception Adventures

Other than that... not too much going on. There is a major wind storm (well I'll call it a storm) happening here, there are winds gusting to 90km (that's not usual for here at all!) Please keep dua's that everyone is safe and no major damage or injuries happen!

Hubby and I are re-doing the floor in the apartment. We ripped up the carpeting and are living on concrete now! This weekend we'll start laying down the laminate flooring. Must say that Hubby is becoming a very good handy man (mashallah) he and a friend did the flooring in the bedroom and it turned out very well! So now me and him will do the living room, in stages! So I have to live with a place turned upside down, for a few more weeks, months!

Inshallah all is well with others out there... keep dua's for us all!

Spring has sprung....well its trying to!

2009-03-10T16:06:00.002-04:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I thought it was about time I changed my Meez avatar to something a bit more 'spring-like' It's not completely what I would wear in Spring....but alas it is not Spring here yet! So, this will have to do for now!

This is totally 'my style' of what I would wear in the real world.

Ok I want to see your 'meez' of your 'real-world' self! It's kind of fun!

http://www.meez.com

Vacation pictures

2009-03-03T11:00:00.020-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I am back... and refreshed but have had to go back to work...not easy after a vacation!
Alas I only have great memories now from being away... but I do have pictures as well...and I thought I would share some of the more memorable ones!
I had much time to think and contemplate things...and I am so overcome with joy that I could see this place. I sat there and was so thankful to God that these beautiful places were created!

The view from a small bridge - this was the ocean side

This is the other side of the bridge...kind of an amazing difference!

The amazing blue-green waters!

Sunset from the city

Sunset at the port

Towel art left in our room!

Beautiful flowers they left for us

Hotel lobby/outside area

Hotel lobby...very grand enterance

Yummy chocolate cake

More desserts

Beautiful sky ...mashallah

View of the beach

Sun was setting slowly

Through the palm trees

One of the many palm trees

Sky and palm trees!

Flying...on a jet plane....be back soon!

2009-02-18T23:04:00.002-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well I am taking a break from blogging, as we are off inshallah soon to a sunnier part of the world...please keep us in your dua's that we arrive and return safely!

Inshallah I will have lots of nice pictures to share!

Fi amanillah

How to learn how to pray... my journey

2009-02-12T14:16:00.009-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Hey, i have a question for you to ponder! In general, i am curious to hear about how you, as a westerner, learned to pray in Islam, both the language and the ritual of it all is SO intimidating to me. I understand and respect why it is so important in the faith, but i feel like i could never learn to do it right. does that make sense? Maybe you can do me a favor and post a blog entry about it, i am sure other people might also be wondering?

I got this question posed to me by another blogger/On-line friend and I thought it would be a great post to write about! So that is exactly what I am going to do, Inshallah.

Learning to pray for me was a very big step and it was the single most important thing after saying the Shahada. I had looked up how to pray and what it all meant and felt confident that I would be able to do it, one day. So for the first time I wore a headscarf, making sure my clothing was proper (nothing open and well covered) I had printed out a copy of the prayer 'wording', I had re-copied it so that I would be able to pronounce it as it sounded. (found many places online that had a 'recitor' so at least I could hear how it should be sounding.) So, that was it, I was ready to pray or at least try to. I was filled with a sense of fulfilment, I would finally be able to offer prayer!

Ok, so I made the intention in my heart ( 4 rakats of Isha prayer) with my handy paper I was ready! Ah...yeah hold on, how was I supposed to do the movements and recite the words at the same time? Hmm, well this was not going to work now was it? No... it did not. A moment ago I was overcome with fulfilment and now I was in despair. How was I to do the prayers if I cannot recite the words? How was I to do the movements without reciting? Frustration, yes that is what I felt the first time I tried to pray. Sorry it was not the magic moment that I thought it would be. I actually do remember taping the paper to the wall and looking at it and doing the movements, this became awkward and I realized that I would have to memorize the whole thing!! Gak... but it was long and it was in Arabic? How was I supposed to do that?

Well, as with all things, patience was required. I decided to start at the beginning and learn the most important things first - this being Al-Fathia (the first chapter of the Quran and the first verse you must recite in each prayer) Let me tell you that it took a long time to memorize it all.
To make matters worse, I (just because I am who I am... inquisitive and all!) wanted to make sure that I knew what I was reciting, so that meant I had to memorize this in English as well!
Yes, I know, why not just recite the thing and don't worry about the meaning.
That is very easy to say and do...but I did not want to follow this religion blindly! I had grown up with that... 'just believe, have faith, don't question things...etc' Well I needed to know what I was saying! The first words that were revealed to Prophet Mohammed was 'read!

96:1 Read: In the name of thy Lord who createth,
96:2 Createth man from a clot.
96:3 Read: And thy Lord is the Most Bounteous,
96:4 Who teacheth by the pen,
96:5 Teacheth man that which be knew not.

I always loved this about Islam, we must not be ignorant and follow blindly, we must go out and search for knowledge! So, that is what I did. I slowly began memorizing the first verse. I did it line by line. After knowing that first line I would move on to the next one. Each night I would practice it, saying it in Arabic then in English, hoping that I would remember everything. So little by little I did learn it. I started the prayers with the parts that I knew... and to be honest the main parts of the prayer performance the words are quite short. Like when you go down to bow its called Ruku, you say 'Subhana rabbi al-azeem' Glory be to God, the Great - three times. Then for when you kneel down (sujud) you say 'Subhana rabbi al-a laa' Glory be to God, the most High - three times. As well when you start the prayer you say, 'Allahu Akbar' Allah is the Greatest. So as you can see many of the words are quite simple to remember!

I really can't say when I memorized the whole thing... it's just a process and it will take everyone their own time. I am still learning verses, as you need to recited different verses in each prayer, well ideally you should. As a convert you are allowed some leniency, you are not expected to learn everything right away, God knows this and therefore you should take time and enjoy the experience of learning. I can't say it was easy, as it really was not! But now I have a great sense of accomplishment, that I have been able to memorize it all and really understand what it is I am saying. Yes, honestly I do forget a bit about the English meaning occasionally, but I always like to look back and see what it means exactly and it is never far from my mind.

So that is how I started out... would love to hear all your stories, either on my comments or in a blog of your own!!

Things going on in my life...

2009-02-10T14:53:00.003-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I have not blogged for a while...no reason really just couldn't think of anything significant to write about - well that's not entirely true, I always have things running around in my mind but am too afraid to post about it for fear of bashing or controversy or people just plain not liking me afterwards. Anyway... so a little about things so far.

Probably somewhere at the end of the week I am going for a procedure known as 'hysterosonography ' it is a process where they check out via an ultrasound if everything is 'ok' in my reproductive system. DH and I have been trying for one year to have a child and now it has come time to check if everything is 'ok' and then go from there. I really think we are just very stressed with work and life in general, but we cannot know for sure. So having this test is the first step in finding out...I'm not looking forward to it at all. From other women Ive heard that it is un-comfortable at the least and painful at the most...so we shall see. Inshallah it will go well...I am more concerned with what they find afterwards...please keep us in your dua's ... jazakallah khair.

I was just wondering if there are any known prayers for wanting to have children. I have read about some but thought I would ask all of you reading if you have any prayers I can be reciting, etc.

Other than that I am looking forward to having a nice relaxing vacation with DH inshallah in nine days. We are off to a sunnier locale ... inshallah I will have lots of beautiful pictures to share afterwards!!

So that is life in a nutshell... today has been a rollercoaster day, from morning I was really stressed about a situation but mashallah I prayed that it would be made easier and that I am given the strength to endure it. I found this prayer from my small prayer book, "Fortress of the Muslim" It was such a small simple prayer but it made me feel so much better to be reciting it!

Allaahumma laa sahla 'illaa maal ja'altahu sahlan wa 'Anta taj'alul-hazna 'ithaa shi'ta sahlan.

139. O Allah, there is no ease other than what You make easy. If You please You ease sorrow.

Interesting facts

2009-02-05T14:34:00.001-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I haven't really blogged in a few days...nothing has been going on, just didn't have a good topic yet...but I think I have one 'brewing' ...so in the meantime here are some interesting facts....

Coyotes are extremely loyal to their mates. If one is caught in a trap, the other will bring small game for it to eat; it will soak itself in a river to allow its thirsty mate to chew on its damp fur for water. It has been documented that the free coyote will stay with its captive partner until death.

The human heart is no bigger than a fist and yet is wrapped in so much muscle that it can continue pumping even if a third of its muscle mass is destroyed.

The full chemical name for caffeine is 1,3,7-trimethylxanthine and its chemical formula is C8H10N4O2. When coffee is roasted, and when the coffee beans begin to cool, they release about 700 chemical substances that make up the vaporizing aromas.

The reason honey is so easy to digest is that it’s already been digested by a bee.

Roosters cannot crow if they cannot extend their necks.

It takes about 20 seconds for a red blood cell to circle the whole body.

The only part of the body that has no blood supply is the cornea in the eye. It takes in oxygen directly from the air.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

The human heart creates enough pressure while pumping to squirt blood 30 feet!!

The female Adelie penguin, desperate to obtain the stones she uses to build her nest, visits the nest of a bachelor Adelie, goes through the entire courtship routine, and mates with him. But once the two have had sex, the female collects the stones she came for as a sort of payment, and waddles back home to her actual mate, who’s been keeping the nest nice and warm for her return! She then stays with him for the rest of her life. Sometimes, especially cunning females engage in the courtship ritual, minus the mating part, grab the rocks, and dash home. Luckily, the males of this species, unlike humans, do not seem to bear a grudge.

Islamic Pictures

2009-01-30T21:54:00.011-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Here are some of my recent pictures - I wanted to do some Islamic pictures, these are my first attempts - Let me know your thoughts.

There is no God...

2009-01-30T11:31:00.008-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Toronto is a buzz with the latest advertising that will be featured on the transit system...

(this picture is from the UK)

Yeah you see it right...it apparently started in England
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/london/7681914.stm

so some brilliant mind thought... hey this would be a good idea in Toronto, since it is so multi-cultural and all (I mean really!)

I was watching the news report last night its actually here:
http://www.citynews.ca/news/news_31470.aspx

The chair of the transit commission is saying (go to min 1:30) that
"atheism is defined as a religion...so we are required to run it"

Oh really? Would they run this advertisement? (My take on it!)

(now doesn't that sound better!)

Yeah somehow I don't think so.

I don't like when things for the public are taken and twisted for some individuals. What I mean is if you are going to post (and in the words of the Chairman, "we are required to run it") something about atheism then you are going to have to post everything from Islam to Hinduism... that makes for a lot of advertising! Personally I like to keep things 'secular', meaning that for the most part things are non-religious. You can see from the advertisements that people are divided about how they feel. Could all that money not be spent to improve the situation of the transit? (They are currently in need of money to upgrade a very old system)

I do agree with one thing though...this will definitely open up talk about God...and that has to be a good thing!

So I like to open it up now and ask...what are all your thoughts on this?

Coolest blogs...my picks

2009-01-30T08:33:00.004-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I got a 'coolest blog' butterfly from Umm Travis thanks so much (blush) I've never been awarded anything! I thought I would post all the blogs that I think are the coolest! Most of the ones that I read and keep up on have been awarded already. But I still want to nominate some great bloggers, let's call these:

Picks her favourite blogs...

Ammena's Adventures - I love getting updates on what you have done and where you have been... always look forward to reading your entries!

Tea Break Thoughts - I like all the pictures of your surroundings you post and there is always something good to read on your blog.

Multicultural Muslimah - I really enjoy reading about what it is like to be living in Egypt and all that goes along with that.

Hijab Style - I think this was the very first hijab style blog I saw, I really enjoy looking at the fashions, the fact that they are really wearable and attainable is great!

Stranger in this Dunya - I really enjoy the balance of Islamic discussions and cooking on this blog...I always look forward to hearing what life is like in Saudi Arabia.

Dervish - There are always wonderful articles and thoughts on this blog... always something new and interesting.

So there you go, these are just a few of my favourites... by all means these are not all of the blogs that I love to read...if I were to name them all it would be a list that is filled with many many Sisters whom I respect. Mashallah may we always have something to write about and learn from each other!

The world through...

2009-01-29T18:53:00.001-05:00

You See the World Through Blue Colored Glasses

You live your life with tranquility. You have faith that things will work themselves out with time.

You judge all your interactions through the lens of hope. You try to get all the facts before forming your opinion.

You face challenges with wisdom. You know that all bad things pass, and you have the confidence to see problems through.

You see love as the utmost expression of trust. Your relationships tend to be peaceful and stable.

At your worst, you can be cool, melancholy, and detached. You sometimes have to step back from emotionally charged situations.

You are at your happiest when you are able to reflect and relax.

What Color Glasses Do You See the World Through?

This one is a bit more accurate! It's true that I live in 'hope' and that I am at my happiest when I can relax and nobody is bothering me with things that I cannot change!

Women & the Mosque

2009-01-29T11:30:00.006-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I just came across this website and found this article...I really like what it has to say. Please read it and let me know what you all think (I have only pasted a portion of the article...click the title of the article to read the whole thing!)

An Eid gone awry

January 20, 2009 by Roberta D
Filed under Featured, Women's Rights

I’d ironed my abaya and scarf the night before, and set multiple wake-up alarms on my cell phone. About half an hour after fajr ended, I headed out of the apartment to the cozy mosque up the street where I often pray on weekends. I was extra excited because although I’d been living in İstanbul for over a year, I had been out of the country for the last few Eids, meaning it would be my first Eid prayer in Turkey.

As I rounded the corner, quietly reciting the Eid takbeer, I reminded myself that I would probably be one of very few women there. Turkish women don’t traditionally attend Eid or Friday prayers at the mosque; it’s just not the cultural practice. But I knew from my own experience that there were usually a handful of younger women that showed up for the khutbah on Fridays, and their numbers were steadily if slowly growing.

With that image in mind, I ignored the stares of the couple of men standing around near the entry to the mosque complex and scanned the mosque courtyard for any women as I took off my shoes. None. When I entered the mosque itself, it was more of the same: Though the mosque was by no means full, there were only men in it. The building’s construction is such that the women’s prayer area is actually in a separate room to the right, so I headed there. I walked in, and it looked mostly empty except someone I saw out of the corner of my eye sitting way in the back. Success — almost.

I was putting my shoes away when I realized that there was a man sitting in the front of the room. Hmm… I looked toward the back, where I thought I had seen an old woman as I walked in, but no, he was actually an old man. I sighed, having expected at least one other woman to be there, and at the very least no men in the women’s section! More than a little deflated, I went to collect my shoes and head out. In the same space of time it had taken me to figure out that this wasn’t going to work out as planned (maybe 10 seconds) it seems that the men in the mosque had come to the same conclusion. An older man rushed into the women’s section, and (assuming the combination of brown skin and an abaya meant I was an Arab) began shouting “Laa! Laa! Laa! [No, no, no!]” and gesticulating frantically. I left, undergoing a second round of stares on my way out of the mosque, through the courtyard, and out the main entrance. So much for my first Eid prayer in Turkey!

So much for the Eid prayer … and so much for the Sunnah too:

I think that this is such an important thing to discuss for women in Islam.
I have to relate a wonderful thing that happened to me and I can only pray that other Imams will be so open minded and equal. I went for Taraweeh prayers and mashallah the mosque was absolutely full of worshipers, the Sisters area was a balcony and it was full. I ended up sitting on the stairs along with many other Sisters, we were all wondering how we were going to offer the prayers? So then the Iman told the men to come up more to the front to make room for the Sisters, then he invited us to come down and pray behind the men. Mashallah I stood up and practically ran, because I so much wanted to experience a prayer service where I was on the same level as the Iman and could see him and hear him properly! So Mashallah that Taraweeh was a very special one for me. I really think there has to be more discussion and willingness to provide a space for women, even better if it is all in the same room!

Just found one more article...

S.F. mosque drops gender barrier -- worshipers are still adjusting

San Francisco's largest mosque -- a Tenderloin refuge for more than 400 Muslims -- has taken the revolutionary step of removing the 8-foot wall separating male and female worshipers.
No other Bay Area immigrant mosque has torn down such a barrier, several Muslim leaders said, and the move is rare in the United States. But leaders at the Islamic Society of San Francisco, citing the opinions of scholars, say Islam provides no justification for the partitions that separate men and women in most immigrant mosques around the country.

These are a few of my favourite things...

2009-01-29T09:00:00.004-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

So I've been tagged (3 times I may add!) Here is my list... and I'm not tagging anyone because I don't think there is anyone left! But you are free to do this list on your own blog or if you don't have one post it on mine...lol

NOTE: You have to add one additional "favorite" thing to the end of the list when you answer

Favorite color: Blue

Favorite perfume (guys): Eternity

Favorite perfume (girls): Lovely (Sarah Jessica Parker's perfume -hubby's gift!)

Favorite pj brand: Don't have a fav (there are brands?) Just flannel comfy ones!

Favorite clothes brand in general: Love H&M

Favorite person in the entire world: Can't say I have a favourite, mom's are mom's, hubby's are hubby's they are all my fav's!

Favorite country: so far? Black Sea region in Turkey

Favorite car: BMW convertible, newer ones (well actually from the late 90's early 2000's not the current ones!)

Favorite sport: Cross country skiing (although I did get injured...still like it!)

Favorite sport player: N/A Don't really watch enough to have a 'fav'

Favorite spot in America: Niagara Falls (Canadian side)

Favorite animal: Like them all, especially fuzzy bunnies

Favorite movie: Lots of them, Wizard of Oz is a standard

Favorite singer: Don't have a favourite, listen to various things

Favorite day in the week: Friday!

Favorite time of the day: Night (after work)

Favorite holiday season: Spring (its not a holiday I know)

Favorite number: 10 (1 & 0 I can make a computer with that!)

Favorite food: Pizza (mmmmm Pizzzzaaaaa)

Favorite chocolate: ALL of them (haven't met a chocolate I don't like, well unless it has orange in it ..ick!)

Favorite cartoon: Bugs bunny (classic)

Favorite blogger: So many to choose from...love them all!

Favorite Flavor Ice Cream: Double Chocolate & Mint chocolate chip!!

Favorite Mobile Brand:Nokia (I've always had Nokia's, you drop them no problem!)

Favorite name: (female) Hajnal (Hungarian name, means Dawn) (male) Adam
(these are not names I would choose for my child though :) that will remain my
secrert...lol inshallah one day I'll use them)

Favorite hobby: Reading & Writing

Favorite room in my house: Kitchen & Living room

Favorite Fruit: Strawberry & Mango

Favorite flower: Roses

Favorite Word: Whatever

Favourite non religious book: Jean Auel novels

Im adding:
Favourite 'cold day' beverage: Hot chocolate with whipped cream
(if you are not in a cold climate then just your fav drink!)

I am...

2009-01-27T16:47:00.003-05:00

You Are the King

You are natural leader. You like to rule, and people like to be ruled by you.

You handle responsibility well. You enjoy providing for those who are loyal to you.

You master anything you try, and you refuse to accept failure as an option.

You're especially good at developing strategies and delegating tasks.

You are a total perfectionist. Your standards are hard to live up to.

However, you are also very generous ... at least to those in your inner circle.

What Role Do You Play?

I can't really say that that is entirely accurate. I mean I like perfection and yes, sometimes my standards are a bit high but I don't think I am a leader, or that I like to 'rule'. I handle responsibility like everyone else... because I have too!
I do not accept failure yes, delegating...well I'm ok at it not wonderful. I like to think that I am generous, and not only to my 'inner circle' (who ever that may be?)

Kind of an interesting quiz!!

The mundane can be beautiful

2009-01-27T09:59:00.006-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Thought I would update you all with what I've been up to. Well in short NOTHING, I mean nothing out of the ordinary. I wake up go to work, stay there for nine hours, drive home, make dinner, then sleep and do it again the next day! Very boring but sometimes I really like the 'boring' but the only time I really appreciate the boring is when my life turns upside down. I sit and think wow it would be nice if things were ordinary again. I long for the mundane in those times.
I am happy to announce that I have been keeping up with the daily prayers much better, mashallah it is amazing really that I am able to get in more prayers - I have always struggled with this but for the past four days I have made a conscious effort to keep them up. It is a struggle, truly. I know that most will say but you 'have' to do them, you have to keep up the prayers, it is not something difficult to take out five to ten minutes to do them. Well, all I say to those is that nobody, NOBODY knows their own situation other than themselves. I won't go into the details of how and why I was not able to perform all of my daily prayers, but will say that it has become a bit easier and I have to thank Allah for that!
I started this blog to relate to people how beautiful and difficult this religion is, or rather to be a convert. There is always talk that you should not reveal your sins, yes ok, I can agree to that. It is between you and Allah, however I do believe that reading about somebodies struggles can empower you to make changes in your own life. I know that when I have read about others who have had struggles to overcome I can relate and I can gauge my own progress to see where I need to improve. Let's not forget one thing, we are all human and to see people fail does not make them weak, it makes them ordinary, makes them 'real'.

So let me relate to you why I suddenly decided that I need to be more vigilant with keeping up the prayers. I got very scared of the fact that one day at the end of my life I will have to answer so many questions. I will be asked by Allah why did I not pray on time, why did I not say all the prayers, etc. I tried to imagine what I would say, but I could not come up with one good answer. Sure I have all the excuses, we've all heard them and done them. I am tired, I am lazy, I cannot do it because of work, because of people around me, the water is cold for wudu, I have no water for wudu. Are any of these real reasons? No, they are not. So when I think of the time I will be standing in front of my creator, the one who knows me better than anyone ever can, I can't help but think that those excuses are horrid. Allah has made provisions for everything. For example if you have no water you can do the dry ablution, tayammum. If you are travelling you can shorten certain prayers. I believe with a sincere heart that if I make an effort and my intentions are to keep the prayers it will benefit me, but only Allah knows if my prayers are accepted. So on the day of questioning I feel that if I can at least say, 'I tried to keep the prayers, I have offered them in the best way that I could'. I feel that at least there is the intention of offering it, and that has to be better than leaving the prayers entirely! Inshallah!

Allah Almighty knows best.

So I go on with my life, the mundane and perhaps even boring life... but think that it is good and I am thankful for these moments of 'boredom' and pray that whatever life throws at me, I will be able to handle it!

Nice to chat and learn...

2009-01-25T23:38:00.008-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I've had a 'board' for reverts/converts to Islam and its seen some activity but not too much, for whatever reason it never really took off. I thought I would post the address and have all you wonderful people check it out and let me know if I should 'close' it or delete it or whatever you do with a board.

Oh by the way there is a chat feature there...so if nothing else its a place to get together to chat to other Sisters !!

http://www.4reverts.proboards56.com/index.cgi

Sisterhood

2009-01-23T11:10:00.000-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Thought I would pass on this poem I was emailed a very long time ago... it is a nice reminder!

Time passes.

Life happens.

Distance separates.

Children grow up.

Jobs come and go.

Love waxes and wanes.

Men don't do
what they're supposed to do.

Hearts break.

Parents die.

Colleagues forget favors.

Careers end.

BUT - Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you.

A girlfriend is never farther away than needing her.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley

and you have to walk it by yourself,

the women in your life will be on the valley's rim,

cheering you on,

praying for you,

pulling for you,

intervening on your behalf,

and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes,

they will even break the rules and walk beside you,

or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends,
daughters,
granddaughters,
daughters-in-law,
sisters,
sisters-in-law,
mothers,
grandmothers,
aunties,
nieces,
cousins
and extended family all bless our life. When we began this adventure called womanhood,

we had no idea of the incredible

joys or sorrows that lay ahead,

nor did we know how much we would need each other.

Every day, we need each other still. Pass this on to all the women who

help make your life meaningful.

I just did!

Does God choose you or do you choose God or both?

2009-01-19T15:00:00.003-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all...

Another re-post of an old blog - February 9th 2007 12:00 AM

Going to try to blog a bit more again...we'll see how it goes.

Just a random thought that popped into my mind at this late hour (11:44pm) so forgive the spelling and grammar errors!

So that is the question : Does God choose you or do you choose God or both?

I would like to think its both, ultimately you choose to have faith or not. I was just commenting to my mother that we cannot see God, or touch or feel God but we have faith that God is 'there ' or 'here' or whatever you may think. That knowledge is faith, it sometimes is unshakable, sometimes it lacks conviction, and even sometimes it just floats away... I tend to have it float a lot these days...but with God's help I have managed to 'catch' it again. My religious convictions take many turns and dips, but hey that's life right? Right! (says she in the middle of the night with one eye open !! ) I chose the path of Islam right now... so do I regret it ...of course not...but sometimes thoughts do float on in that say: "What exactly did I do? What is expected of me now? What will my future look like now? Does anything really have to change that much?? A whole lot of questions that I am currently looking for answers to...anyone know an 'answer store' ??
OK, so what did I exactly do? I changed religions...OK next. What is expected of me... not much it seems... just live a life where you believe in God and worship God only... OK can do that, what else? What will my future look like... Only God knows, and you know what...that is fine by me, I don't feel like 'predicting' what my life will be like because I can never know where my life will lead me, or to whom or to what situation. I will just have to roll on and deal with all that comes my way!! It seems I've answered my own questions... (wow light bulb moment I guess!!) Not really... I am still struggling with so many things in life.
God has chosen me to walk this path... All praise to God (Alhamduillah) but it is not without its trials or hardships but I have to keep reminding myself that it is also not without its joys or happiness. I thank God everyday ...that me and my family and friends are safe...I thank God that I can open my eyes in the morning and see the gray, blue or even black skies. I thank God that I have a roof over my head and heating to keep me safe and warm! I thank God for choosing me to live this life and not an others life. I choose to thank God for all of these blessings !! I believe God will help me and all those others who have chosen His way!

( A small prayer I say each night )

God please watch over all the believing people of the world
and all those people who have fallen off the path, please lead them back to the path
and for those who do not know the path, please guide them to it.

~Amen~

Comments:

salam, i voted God chooses, yes we both choose but in the end it is God that wants you on his path. I always remember that Shaitan can deviate u from the path, but in the end if God has chosen you, u will eventually get to his path. I remember telling someone who refuses to make future plans that you can make your plans and do what you want, if God has his plan and its different you will eventually get there it will just take more time and effort, but in the end Allahu alim (God knows best) Thanks for this post sis, I like to keep in touch with how you are feeling :) Fi amenallah

A salaam alaikum. I like this post, it is a good question. I think it's both. We all know that Allah guides whom he wills, it's obvious because not everyone is blessed with this beautiful deen. Alhamdulillah God chose us, but whether we accept Allah's will is on us. So we make that choice also. Also those questions that you ask yourself are ones that I and I'm sure other Muslims ask themselves as well (especially us reverts). You know that life is a struggle in every aspect, so just because we become Muslim doesn't mean that will change. We will still have questions, obstacles, difficulties, etc. We just have have a better way to deal with them (trusting only in Allah). So take care sister and know that you are not alone in your endeavors.
P.S. Mind if I steal your prayer, or do you have copyrights on it? LOL.That is a prayer that is suffice for us all.

Aalya
Wa alaikum assalam...
Thanks for the comments Ammena "but in the end if God has chosen you, u will eventually get to his path" how true that is!
Nope no copyright...unless you can copyright my thoughts...lol...Its just a small prayer that I thought up one night..I always struggled with the idea 'am I leaving anyone out of my prayers?' So this kind of encompasses everyone!

Assalamu alaikom,
I think ups and downs in faith are normal. I see it regularly online that a sister is feeling a low (and upset about it) and I've been there myself so I sympathize!
I think the answer is both because we have to meet God halfway. Nothing comes for free and we have to earn this, I think. And I can't remember if it's hadith or a Qur'an verse that says if we try even just a little, extend our hand just a little, God will come running into our lives. So there you go, it's "both". :)
Anyway, I hope you are doing alright and I'm glad to see you blogging again.

Aalya
"I think ups and downs in faith are normal"
That is so true... just because you are Muslims does not mean you are immune to feeling up and down...none of us is perfect!
Thanks!

Yes. Remind yourself that none of us are perfect. Even the seemingly most pious Muslim you know has inner struggles and periods of lower or higher iman. It's completely natural.
To me, I think the best game plan is to always adhere to what you consider the basics. Stick through the low periods, try to maintain the basics at least so that you avoid that downward spiral of guilt feelings, and then when your outlook improves, you can put it behind you without any lingering guilt or bad feelings.
I say that not because I think you should feel guilty about anything, or because I think you are or are not keeping the basics of the faith, but only because I know from my own struggles and those of friends and acquaintances online, that we beat ourselves up too much about our shortcomings and that guilt often brings us even lower.

Blogging is just not what it used to be... neither is humanity

2009-01-15T08:53:00.005-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I love blogging and I love that I get to 'meet' all kinds of different people in the world and exchange ideas, thoughts, and feelings. However what I do not like is when people feel the need to spew useless comments that have no basis in anything, rather than taking things 'with a grain of salt' they feel the need to bash someone for their thoughts or postings.
Where is all this coming from? Well I had my very first 'hateful' anonymous comment yesterday.

Welcome to the group I suppose?

I really do not understand when people do this? I would never ever go around to different blogs and pick out things I want to bash. I have seen many hateful comments and postings but what do I do? I ignore them and pray that people will have common sense and not believe everything they read. I spent a good part of last night debating whether I should or should not post the hateful comment - I have come to the conclusion that it would serve nobody any good if I did. There is already hatred in the world...why do I need to post more on my own blog?

I will however address a few key points that 'Anonymous' pointed out to me.
(question is will this person come back to read it or not?) I have to wonder if 'A' is going to read this or not or has gone off to "turn in your blog for hate speech against Westerners" - Those were the exact words in the comment.

This may sound dramatic but I was completely in shock to see something like this... I thought that my blog was a place to write down my feelings, thoughts and share them with the outside world in the hopes that we can all learn, laugh and just be 'friends'. I am utterly hurt that people can do this... in this world of hate and wars I feel as if I have lost something else - trust. I truly am on the verge of making this blog private - only because I would hate that someone is using my words and thoughts as ammunition to spread hatred. I also feel a loss that any 'new' reader will not see my blog and maybe learn from it or get some entertainment or knowledge from it.

So 'A' you have accomplished something, that is to make me lose faith in the conscience of people. Would you go up to someone in 'real' life and provoke them and say the things you said to me? No, probably not because in 'real' life you would not be anonymous, I would be able to see you face to face, would you be so brazen then? Perhaps you are, as I do not know you. But I feel sad that you have to live your life in hatred. I'm not sure what problems you have with Muslims in general but you are propagating the very thing you were so vehement about in your comment. Think about that? Your final words to me were "you make me sick" well, in all honesty I can say that I have been sickened as well, not by you personally but by the level that humanity has sunk to.

Fi amanillah (May God protect you) because that is all we really have!

There is a connection between the intellectual stasis of Muslim societies...

2009-01-14T12:12:00.002-05:00

Assalam Alaikum & Peace to all

I have been going through my old blogs and thought I would re-post some of them... to get a feel for how I think of things today and see if anyone has any new thoughts on it!
This blog is from May 3 2006 - Sadly nothing has really changed in the world since then, especially how Muslims are treated.

Found this article...(a bit long but a good read) link : http://www3.naseeb.com/naseebvibes/interview-detail.php?aid=3405

Just one part I would like to hear comments on: "

VIBES: You are a strong advocate against a western perception of homogenized “Muslim world", what can be done to remove the perception?

"ASMA BARLAS: I think it’s pretty obvious that when we treat a group of people as if they are all the same, we deny them any individuality and, if on top of that, we assume that the group in question is radically different from everyone else, we demonize them as well. Doing this has often opened the door to genocide in the past. An obvious example from the last century is the Holocaust. After all, it was because they succeeded in misrepresenting the Jews as all the same that the Nazis were also able to carry out their genocide against them.
Regrettably, then, this is an old tendency in Western political discourse and you can see it at play not only in the history of Western colonialism, but also in the racism that persists in the West today. Muslims are simply its current victims. While I’m not sure that one can end this way of thinking about Others in the West, we can and should contest and challenge a worldview that presents one billion Muslims as one, big, violent beast."

I have to agree on the part that says:'that when we treat a group of people as if they are all the same, we deny them any individuality'. We are all created differently..and to lump everyone of the same ethnic, culture, or religion is just wrong...sadly that is what is happening right now
all over the world.

Anyone have any comments on this?

Thanks...

My Story...

2009-01-13T14:20:00.004-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I've posted that my 'anniversary' has just passed - My reversion anniversary! I thought I would post the link to My Story - I have just recently re-posted into this blog (from another one that I no longer use) I must warn you all its is a very very long story...lol has about 6 parts to it. Like I kept writing in there, I've written it down for myself. I wanted to remember all the struggles I have gone through and wrote down the things while they were still fresh in my memory. So having said that (I've given you fair warning...lol) I invite you to read my story!

Aalya's Story

Oh and you have to scroll all the way down after clicking the link...it is in reverse order!

My journey started on January 10th 2005...

2009-01-10T23:33:00.002-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Well January 10th 2005 was the day that I left my old life and started a new one. This is the day that I pronounced my Shahada and stepped onto a new path. Ok, I'm not going to get all mushy but it is a moving experience, at least that day was very moving, truly I felt as if all bad was lifted from me and I got a 'second' chance at things. I won't bore you with my conversion story (although I think I'll re-copy it from another post I had on another site - just so it's in the history here) but it did consist of many years of wondering and learning, as well as a bit of fear of the unknown. Mashallah, I do not regret what I have done because I know that it is the 'right' way but I do have to admit it is a very difficult journey but honestly who said that life is easy? I keep reminding myself the Islam was revealed within a span of 23 years and I have time and God-willing I have the patience to learn all I need to learn as well as to live it. Now the fact of 23 years should not be taken as an excuse that you have that long to change your ways, but it is a reminder that as humans we all need time to adjust, if not we run the risk of rejecting all of what we have learned and practiced, well at least I feel like that. I am trying to focus on all the good things that I have learned and am practicing, I am not dwelling on the negatives and weakness' because we all have these, be it something small or great, we all need to work on our faith! I can only pray that I continue on this path, and that God keeps showing me the right path and keeps me from falling off the path. I also pray that if I do 'wander' off the path that He will show it to me again and gives me strength to follow His way! Ameen!

The view outside...

2009-01-08T14:23:00.012-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

I brought my camera with me today to show you all what a lovely scene I have outside my window! I love the winter when Im inside or do not have to drive in it!

Enjoy!

Let's start with my office and the view I see everyday

This is my lunch

A good view of the whole building

Looking across to the train station

Take a walk across the street

Snow and pine needles close up

Another close up of the snow

I just love how the branches are snow ladden

Just behind the parking lot

Some fashion fun

2009-01-07T15:02:00.003-05:00

Assalam alaikum & Peace to all

Ok well I haven't really been on polyvore for a while and today I got inspired - here are two different occasions!

Enjoy!

Winter Ski Day by Aalya

Romantic Dinner by Aalya

Oh btw I have expensive taste apparently!

The Winter one would have cost me almost $500.00
The Romantic one is about $ 800.00